


10 Missed Conversations

by aforgetfulgirl, hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Order of Weed [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Relationships, MWPP Era, Marauders, Multi, Swearing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teenage Pregnancy, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforgetfulgirl/pseuds/aforgetfulgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of passing mentions and/or hints, elaborated on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. December 19th, 2005

James couldn't decide what to say.

Or, no. He knew _what_ to say. He just didn't know _how_ to say it. Should he just blurt it out? Should he make them guess? Should he hype it up and hope his two best friends would be as excited about it as he was?

James was trying not to fidget because he didn't want to look nervous. He wanted to look calm and collected and mature. Or, well. That would make them suspicious that he was up to something, because he always fidgeted and he was rarely calm. But at the very least, he didn't want to look _scared_.

Scrubbing his hands over the stubble on his chin, James waited impatiently. He'd text messaged Sirius almost five whole minutes ago, and right after, he'd sent Peter out to find Remus, just in case Sirius decided to ignore him. Sirius consistently ignored the rest of the world if he was doing something fun, but Remus usually found a way to drag him along. He had the same strange powers over Sirius that Lily had over James.

"Okay, now what's so fucking important that you had to make me and Remus speed up what could've been a perfectly long shag, eh?" Sirius demanded, throwing the bedroom door open. His shirt was on inside out, he was barefoot and in his boxers, carrying his trousers in his hand. Remus stumbled behind him looking a sight more presentable than his boyfriend and Sirius grinned at him before dropping his trousers on the floor and slinging an arm around Remus' shoulders.

"You see this face, Prongs? It's a face that needs as much shagging as it can get. You better be about to tell us that you've either A, got cancer or B, are planning on a sex change, else I am going to pummel your face on behalf of Remus'."

"Be quiet, Sirius," Remus said calmly, shutting the door behind them and seating himself comfortably on Sirius' bed. "What's going on, James? Is everything all right? And next time, please don't send Peter. You know he still gets all... well. You know. Twitchy or what have you whenever he's confronted with..."

"Gay sex?" James said with a grin. "Well, he ought to just suck it up. You shouldn't let him pretend you two aren't what you are just because it makes him feel less out of sorts."

"Only Remus makes it less than obvious," Sirius said, sitting next to Remus and crossing his arms. "So I go over the top to compensate. Now spit it out, you fucking nonce."

"Oh. Right. Well. Well, I have something to tell you both," James began. He hadn't decided how to say it yet. He'd been distracted by gay sex and now what was he going to tell them? Perhaps it would be best to just blurt it out. "I. Lily. She's, uh. Lily and I..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're such a fucking pillock, Potter, honestly. We already know you're shagging her and have been shagging her since last spring, so if you're giving us a briefing on your latest exploits, I'd rather not be present."

Remus was watching James closely, though, and he raised his eyebrows a little. "She's what, James?"

"Er. Well. Pregnant." James ran a hand compulsively through his hair. "She's pregnant. I mean. We. We are. Pregnant. Her and I. Her technically, of course, but we're going to do it together. I mean, we _did_ do it together. Thus we've arrived at the current, ah, situation. But we're going to raise it. Him. Her. Whatever it is. Together. We're getting married."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah _right_. Even you're not stupid enough to get a girl knocked up, Jamie."

"It's not stupid! It's... it was an accident, sure, but it's going to be okay. No, scratch that. It's going to be _great_. We're going to be a family, her and I and whatever little _thing_ is in her. Can you imagine? She's got my child in her right now. It's growing _inside_ of _her_ at this very moment, Sirius."

Remus just stared, mouth agape. James looked, well. He looked terrified, actually, but there was a happy sort of optimism beneath it all. Remus, for his part, was utterly shocked. _Lily_ was pregnant. Lily. He wanted to ask James all about what they had planned, how they were going to deal with it, when they were going to get married. But he sort of felt like this was James and Sirius' time. They had so much history, and they needed to talk things out.

Sirius was quiet for a moment. "You're serious?" he asked, and when James nodded, he shook his head and looked at James incredulity. "What the _fuck_ , James," he said. "You're 17! So is Lily! And you're going to get _married_ and have a _family_? Where are you going to get money? Have you told your mum and dad yet? Have you both lost your fucking minds?"

"You don't think I know that? I'm quite fucking aware how old we are, Sirius. I don't need you to give me shit about it," James replied immediately, and then stared at Sirius for a second and seemed to sort of shrink. "You don't think I can do it? Be a dad? Get a job and support a family?"

Sirius made a sort of growling sound in the back of his throat and said, "It's not that I don't think you _can_ do it. I just don't know why the two of you don't have the sense enough _not_ to when the choice is there."

"Sirius," Remus breathed softly, watching as James' face turned stormy.

Clenching his jaw, James said, "I'm not killing my child. I'd never ask Lily to do that. For fuck's sakes, Sirius. We're _Christians_."

Sirius sighed, cheeks burning. "You're fucking _17_ , not to mention _James Potter_ ," he said. "Last time I checked you fed your fish to the cat to see if he'd get sick, and then ran over said cat on your first attempt at driving a car. You can't run over a baby, James," Sirius added, looking at his feet. "I think you'd get arrested for that."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. I see where you're coming from. And fuck you," James snapped.

"James, he didn't mean..." Remus started, but wasn't surprised when James cut him off.

"He bloody well did. He means he thinks I'll be bollocks at it all and kill the kid the first time I'm alone with it," James snarled at Remus before turning back to Sirius. "I didn't know my own best mate thought I was so bloody incompetent. Like I would ever run over a _child_ , Pads. Any child. And I'm good with kids, you know. My cousins love me."

"Yes, but," Sirius started, and then paused, frowning. "You're _17_. I just can't get my head around that!"

"Age is just a number, Sirius," Remus said softly. "Perhaps it was a little overly, ah, optimistic of James to, you know. Expect too positive of a response, but you could be less of a..."

"Total jackass?" James suggested as Remus trailed off. "Prick? Utter and complete arsehole? Honestly, mate."

Maybe Remus had been right and James had been stupid to hope they might be supportive. Sure, he knew it was a big deal and they wouldn't be his friends if they let him keep his head in the clouds and not think about the details, but James _had_ thought about the details and all Sirius was doing was sitting there and telling him he ought to get rid of it. It was bollocks.

"I wasn't going to say that," Remus said with a sigh.

"Takes one to know one, fuckhead," Sirius said. "Honestly, _mate_ , how would you react if I told you I'd knocked up my girlfriend?"

"I'd say you were a fucking idiot, Sirius, but it's not the same situation!" James retorted, and leaned forward to throw a dirty sock at Sirius angrily. "Me and Lily can't exactly be compared to any relationship you've had in the past. You don't exactly have the best track record. I've bloody been in love with Lily since I was eleven. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together and have kids and whatnot eventually anyway. It's just a little earlier than planned. Do you really think either of us could live with getting rid of it and then having kids later knowing we threw that away? Honestly. You talk like you think I haven't fucking thought about the other options. Of course I have. Just because I'm James Potter, and that seems to mean I'm half bloody retarded, at least in your opinion, I do use my head when it's fucking important."

"Sometimes there aren't enough options!" Sirius snapped back. "What about all the plans that you've already made with me for after graduation, huh? So what now? Fuck community college, fuck getting a flat, fuck all of that shit that we've been planning since we were _old enough to talk_?"

James felt bad for a moment. He hadn't even thought of that. It was true; they'd been planning that for so long. And he did want that, but things had changed. There were a hundred, thousand things they'd talked about in their childhoods that they'd never do now, and this was just one more. Shaking his head, James leaned back in his chair and screwed up his face at Sirius.

"Look, I'm sorry, all right? But we aren't kids anymore," James said firmly. "Even without this, Lily and I probably would've moved in together after graduation. You've no right to be a prick and push abortion just because you don't want things to change. Things already have changed. What about Remus, huh? Use your head, Sirius, and stop being so fucking selfish."

" _Selfish_? Thanks, James, really, it's nice to know that _that's_ what you think of 17 years of being friends with me." With that Sirius stood and went out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

"Well what the fuck," James said, running a hand through his hair again. He cast a look over at Remus, an annoyed question about what Remus thought on the tip of his tongue. The expression on Remus' face stopped him. "Moony? You all right?"

"Oh, yes. Fine," Remus said, offering James a tight smile. "Just, well. I'd assumed... we'd talked about moving in and such. You know, after graduation. I just thought, well..."

"Hey, you know how Sirius is," James said with a shrug. "He's an idiot. I'm sure he wants nothing more than to move in with you. He's just being an enormous bloody prat at the mo'." Grinning suddenly, James added, "I'll rock, paper, scissors you to decide who goes after the berk?"

"Never mind rock, paper, scissors. I'll go. And James?" Remus said, smiling slightly. "Congratulations. Really. I'm excited for you."

Sirius got as far as the stairs and sat on the landing. James was having a baby. How could James be having a baby? How could _Lily Evans_ be having _James Potter's_ baby? And worst of all he couldn't believe that he'd made such a ridiculous fuss about the wank when in all honesty, before it was all over, Sirius would be just as, if not more, excited about it than James was.

 _Shit_. He supposed Remus hated him now too. They'd planned on moving in together. Sirius didn't really want to go to school.

Putting his head in his hands, Sirius wondered vaguely if there was anything else he could fuck up today.

Remus walked out of James' room and tucked his hair behind his ear, taking a deep breath before heading towards Sirius, slumped on the top of the stairs. After settling down next to him, Remus stretched an arm out and elbowed Sirius gently in the side. It was a familiar gesture. Remus couldn't even remember how many times he'd done it over the years.

"Hi," Remus said softly. "Um. Figured I ought to come talk to you."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm a jackass."

Remus decided not to respond, and instead looked down at his hands. "I know James isn't really looking for a flat mate, but I mean. I just. If that's, you know, an excuse or something... I just mean, I thought we, well. I thought we were going to, you know. Get a place. But if you don't want to, or if it was just talk and I took it too seriously, I mean. Just say so. I don't want you to feel obligated or anything."

"Remus," Sirius said, "I honestly just wanted James to feel bad for making me feel bad. The number of times I've brought it up... it wasn't just talk. I love you. I want to live with you. We have to start somewhere."

"You're so complicated sometimes, Sirius," Remus breathed. He reached a tentative hand out to rest it on Sirius' thigh. "I want to move in with you too, and because I can tell you're beating yourself up, stop. I love you. You're an idiot sometimes, but I love you."

"I just don't understand," Sirius said. "James having a baby. How can James have a baby?"

Remus squeezed Sirius' thigh gently. "Life takes funny turns sometimes. You just have to trust that things happen for a reason, you know?"

Sirius shook his head. "What's worse is that I'm petrified and excited and I'm not even having a baby. It's like... a baby by association."

"Is that why you reacted so, ah. Fantastically?" Remus asked with a small smile. " _I'm_ not the one pregnant, you know. You'll never have to worry about that."

"I suppose so," Sirius answered. "And no, you're not. Although if that somehow happened I'm sure that James would have a much more fantastic reaction than mine."

"No doubt," Remus replied dryly. "So are you all right? Can we kiss and make up, and then you can go in and tell James how you're feeling?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, turning his head and catching Remus' lips.


	2. April 17th, 2006

After shivering a little as Elphias trailed his hand lightly over Fabian's naked side, Fay rolled over and tilted his head up to press a kiss to the corner of Elf's mouth. It was really late--late enough to be considered early, in fact--and Fabian didn't want Elf to leave. He knew Elf would, though. Elphias hadn't stayed the night once in the past couple months, and Fay didn't get it. Elf claimed he just slept better in his own bed, but Fabian didn't buy it. Something had happened to change things, and Fay just couldn't figure out what. Whatever it was, it was eating Elphias up inside, Fabian could tell. Fay had been gently pushing for weeks, but Elf hadn't given him any hints as to what was going on. All Fay could do now was wait and make himself available in case Elf ever did want to talk.

So, despite already knowing what Elf's response would be, Fay curled an arm around his boyfriend and whispered into his ear, "Do you want to stay? I'll make us breakfast in the morning."

Elphias swallowed. "No. I, um. School, you know." Taking a deep breath he sat up slightly and avoided looking Fabian in the eyes. He couldn't, because all he'd see would be love and comfort, and it was all bad enough to think about really... what the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't Fabian be satisfying anymore?

"Yeah, I know," Fabian sighed. "But if you ever do want to, you're always welcome to. You know that, right?"

"I know," Elphias answered quietly. He had to. He couldn't put it off any longer. He cleared his throat but the words just wouldn't come up. Elphias felt like he was choking.

"Right. So, I know I've asked a hundred times, but you look absolutely ill right now, Elf, so I'm going to ask again," Fabian said, and then shifted into a sitting position. He rested one hand flat against Elf's chest as he watched him with worried eyes. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Elphias pushed his hands through his hair. "Fabian, I just... I don't know how to say this properly."

"So just say it, then. I can tell you've been keeping something in. You'll probably feel much better if you just tell me," Fabian said, while inwardly he couldn't help thinking, _finally_!

"Fay... Fabian, I just." Elphias' voice cracked. "I think that. Um. We should maybe. See other people."

Fabian blinked down at him for a moment, seemingly frozen as he processed the words, and then quickly withdrew his hand as if burned, curling it into a fist and pressing it to his own chest. "You what? No you don't."

Elphias nodded slowly. "Er. Yes. For a while now."

"You can't just..." Fay began, and then trailed off and shook his head. "Elf. We've been together for six years, and just... just out of the blue... I mean, why now? Where is this coming from? I just. I don't understand..."

"I just don't think we're working well together anymore. Like you said, you know? Six years. That's a long time to be with the same person, right, and it might be good for us to try different things..."

"Try different things? Try different _things_ , Elf?" Fabian asked, glaring. He couldn't believe this. This wasn't happening. "First of all, I'm not a thing. And second of all, I can't believe you're breaking up with me after sex."

Fabian was focusing on the petty things, and he realized that. But he couldn't think of the big picture. He didn't want to. Elphias was more than just his boyfriend. He was his best friend. Would they still be friends, or would this change everything?

"I've been trying to do it for nearly a month," Elphias said.

"Have you," Fabian deadpanned. "So every time you said 'I love you too' you really meant 'I want to see other people'. That's great. That's... that's really..." Fabian felt his throat getting thick and he realized the shock and anger had passed rather quickly and he was swiftly heading for tears. "You should go. It's already late, and you have school tomorrow, after all."

"Fabian, I..." Elphias started, but couldn't bring himself to touch Fay at all. Instead he got out of bed quietly and started dressing. As he pulled his trousers over his hips he looked at Fabian honestly and said, "I'm really... I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, me too," Fabian said without looking at him. He just laid back down and pulled the blanket up to his chin and listened to Elphias get dressed as the tears started to come. At least Elphias couldn't see them from this position, even if he probably knew Fay was crying.

Fully clothed, Elphias headed for the bedroom door. His hand on the knob he said, "I'll call you tomorrow."

Fabian didn't say anything. He didn't trust his voice at the moment, and honestly, he was conflicted. On one hand, that probably meant Elphias intended to remain friends. On the other hand, it meant Fabian would have to continue to interact with him on a day-to-day basis.

Instead, he just remained quiet and waited. Eventually, he heard Elphias sigh and head out to the hallway. He listened until he heard the door close, signaling Elf was out of the house completely.

Only then did Fabian get out of bed and pull some shorts on before heading out to the couch. He didn't want to sleep in his bed. It smelled too much like Elphias.

Several hours later, when the early morning sunlight was starting to peer through the dusty basement curtains, Gideon stumbled out of his room and toward the bathroom with every intention to pee, and then go back to bed again. But coming out of the bathroom he caught wind of his sister's pancakes and knew he was a doomed man; there was no way he could go back to sleep knowing that Molly was making exactly what his stomach seemed to want. He went back to his room long enough to tug on a t-shirt before heading out into the living room and toward the stairs. When the couch stirred, he stopped and looked, and was completely confused.

"Fabian?" he said. "Why are you sleeping out here?"

Fabian blinked blearily up at Gideon and seemed confused for moment as well. Then, his sleep fogged mind cleared and he sat up, rubbing his eyes and pushing messy hair out of his face.

"My bed smells like Elphias," Fabian said with a shrug. "He dumped me last night."

Gideon's eyebrows rose and he blinked. "Elphias Doge _dumped_ you?"

Fabian nodded miserably and felt his eyes start to water again. "He wants to 'see other people' and 'try different things'. Apparently I'm not enough for him anymore."

Gideon licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair before walking over to the couch and sitting down to face his brother. "I'm going to be frank here, Fay," he said. "Elphias is clearly a dumb ass."

"God, don't," Fabian moaned and dropped his head onto his brother's shoulder. "I'm so not at the bad-talk-the-ex-and-maybe-laugh-about-his-faults stage yet. And anyway. It's Elf. Things are, well. Complicated. I still want to be friends with him."

"I wasn't saying it to make you feel better," Gideon teased. "I was just being honest. Wanted to get my true feelings out there, you know." He smiled sadly. "And you will be. You guys have been close for ages. I think it'd probably be harder to not be friends than to stay friends."

"I hope you're right," Fabian said sadly. "I mean, with friends that old, things _have_ to go back to normal. Could you imagine things getting weird with Marlene?"

Wisely, Gideon didn't answer. "Molly's making pancakes. The no egg kind. If anything'll make you feel better, pancakes will."

"Too right," Fabian said and managed a watery laugh. Wiping his eyes (on the sleeve of Gideon's shirt, actually), Fay got to his feet and added, "Don't eat them all. I've got to go put on some clothes. I'll be right up."


	3. January 5, 2006

Five minutes. Lucius had practically worn a hole through the carpet outside of Dumbledore's office. He had made the appointment. He was going to talk to the man, tell him everything about Narcissa, and the baby, and hope that Albus didn't string him up the flagpole by his testicles, never mind that that was a pretty unlikely scenario.

Four minutes. He'd be right on time. He'd take what he deserved for impregnating a minor. There was only so much that he could do at this point. Running away with her wasn't plausible, nor was it his style. And she'd never agree as she'd rather make a spectacle out of their inevitable wedding.

Three minutes. Had this carpet always been grey? Lucius could've sworn that it was brown once upon a time. Perhaps he'd been too busy shagging Narcissa over the years to notice subtle changes to the school. He suddenly wondered how much else he'd miss. Was he going to miss anything else, giving himself up for her?

Two minutes. _Please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape, please don't charge me with rape..._

One minute. Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh shit, shit and double fucking damn. What. Was. He. Doing? What had he _done_? One of his students was pregnant by him! Having his child! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Would Dumbledore even believe he was capable of something so completely and utterly stupid?

Zero minutes. Lucius knocked on the door.

"Come in, Lucius," Albus called cheerily from behind his desk. "Prompt as usual. Take a seat."

Albus was in a wonderful mood. He was quite sure he knew what this meeting was about--and it was about time, for goodness sakes--and he was glad Lucius had finally come to him. It was undoubtedly quite stressful for the other man (who, while usually very cool and collected, was practically fidgeting), made doubly so by the fact that, out of all of his staff, he was least close with Lucius. Not for lack of trying, of course, but the man had many a time politely declined the hand of friendship that Albus extended to all of the teachers he hired. He seemed to avoid forming relationships at work. Though, apparently young Narcissa had broken through his barriers quite successfully. A surprising pair, to be sure, but well matched, Albus thought, despite their age.

Smiling in hopes to make Lucius feel a little more at ease, Albus added, "Would you like a cup of tea or a scone before we begin?"

"Ah, no," Lucius answered, seating himself. "I'd much rather 'get to the point' as it were. If you don't mind skipping over the polite formalities."

"No, no. By all means. Proceed when you are ready. You did, after all, say you had something you needed to discuss with me," Albus answered promptly, folding his hands on the desk in front of him to indicate he was ready to listen.

Lucius couldn't believe it. He was starting to sweat with nerves.

"Well, Albus, I'm sure that the course following what I'm about to tell you is a very clear one, and. Well. I accept those consequences and will not fight any decision you make. I have breeched your trust, made a number of bad choices, and find myself now in... an interesting situation, to say the least. First off..." Lucius took a deep breath. "I've been engaged in an illicit relationship with Narcissa Black for two years now."

"Indeed you have. Interesting girl, that one. You have your hands full," Albus mused. "However, you said first, which leads me to believe there is a second, at least, and possibly a third or fourth or, well, you get the picture. I believe it would be best for you to finish before all else. Continue."

Lucius was shocked to say the least, and his eyes went wide at Albus' response. "You _knew_?"

"Oh, certainly I knew you were involved with a student, but I had yet to figure out who exactly when Kitty noticed Narcissa's newest development," Albus said, and smiled wryly at Lucius. "I believe that brings us to your second point, does it not?"

"You're kidding me. Minerva...?" Lucius shook his head. "This is unbelievable. Why haven't you confronted me yet?"

"Oh, a great many reasons," Albus said, leaning back in his chair and stroking his beard. "Kitty and I thought it likely that Narcissa had done the pursuing, and even if we were wrong, by the time we figured it out, the situation had escalated beyond the point where intervening could possibly have changed anything. I thought it best to wait for you to come to me. This is much less messy than confronting you about it, don't you think?"

"When did you figure it out?" Lucius questioned, baffled.

"Well, as I mentioned, I've suspected your involvement with a student for some time. Of course, that's not an accusation one throws around lightly, and I had no proof. It wasn't until quite recently that Kitty and I figured out what was going on," Albus answered calmly. "I am a liberal man, Lucius, but not so liberal that I can condone this sort of activity, whatever the circumstances may be. You understand that, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Lucius answered. "I know there's no excuse for what's happened other than stupidity."

Albus was quiet for a moment, and wondered if he'd entirely misjudged the situation. It had happened before, of course. Albus knew he was not infallible. But an error in judgment to this degree, if he had made one, had not happened in quite some time. Nor had his failing ever resulted in such dire consequences for a student.

After a moment of silent thought, Albus said cautiously, "I would think, Professor Malfoy, that love also causes the sort of blindness to propriety that you've experienced these past few years, as well as both callousness and, yes, stupidity. Are you quite sure it was the latter that affected you?"

Lucius sighed. "It might not've started out that way, but it certainly became such. I... I said that we would break it off once she graduated. She didn't take it very well, and stopped taking her contraceptive pills." He had stopped sweating now, but his face was beet red. "I do love her, Albus, ridiculous as it sounds."

"Good. You worried me for a moment there," Albus said with a smile. "You're still fired, of course, though you surely expected no less. Even if I did allow you to stay on, it would just result in you and I both losing our jobs once the board found out, and there would likely be a fair bit of unwanted press. I shall extend every effort to stop that from happening now, as I hardly think it would do either you or Narcissa any good."

"You don't owe me anything Albus, you really need not bother," Lucius said.

"I'm quite aware of that, Lucius. It is, however, my duty to watch over my students. I shall act accordingly to ensure Miss Black isn't exploited for the purpose of publicizing a good scandal. She's likely got enough on her plate as it is. How did her parents take it?"

"Ah. They don't actually know that's she's pregnant yet," Lucius replied, sheepish.

"They don't?" Albus asked, furrowing his bushy white brows. "I was under the impression that Miss Black returned home for the holidays. She didn't remain here with you, did she?"

"No, she went home. She just hid it. Her mother thought she was gaining weight and tried to put her on a diet. She's yet to commit to telling them, and honestly, she probably thinks she can keep it from them until the baby is born. Narcissa is a very bright young woman, but, _clearly_ , when it comes to common sense she's a few crayons short of the box."

Albus couldn't help but snort in amusement at Lucius' comment, but quickly sobered. "Clearly, indeed. Do you find it as unbelievable as I do that her own parents didn't notice? Kitty noticed some time ago, though she does have Narcissa for homeroom and I'm to understand Narcissa ran out ill a few times, so that was quite telling when paired with inexplicable weight gain. Still, though, I can't help but wonder what they were thinking..."

"While Narcissa's parents spoil her to death," Lucius explained, "they are hardly aware of her in the way that they should be."

"So it seems," Albus hummed. Indeed, if they were aware of Narcissa the way parents ought to be, they'd likely be a bit afraid. She was certainly a force to be reckoned with, and while her intelligence, resourcefulness, and complete confidence that she deserved anything and everything she wanted meant she had the ability to achieve great things, her lack of fear and foresight seemed to land her in situations she was just out of touch with reality enough not to realize were beyond her capabilities to handle on her own.

That was beside the point, however.

"Lucius. I realize you are an adult, fully independent, and, of course, completely capable of running your own life, but nonetheless I wish to express my willingness to help, should you need it. The situation you and Miss Black have ended up in is not going to be an easy one, and if I can do anything to help, unofficially, of course, I will. In fact, I happen to be on rather good terms with the principal of the public school in Salcombe."

Lucius quirked an eyebrow. "Is he perhaps looking for a new teacher?"

"Believe it or not, the psychology teacher recently took a leave of absence and they've been going through substitutes rather quickly indeed. Apparently there are some quite difficult students throwing wrenches into the works, but if you think you're up for it, I could make a call," Albus offered casually. Then, with a smile, he added, "I daresay you could whip them into shape, and I happen to know you studied psychology in university. You wrote a rather interesting dissertation on religious guilt that I found just riveting."

"And you would recommend me? Despite this?" Lucius questioned, surprised.

"You are one of the best teachers I have ever had the pleasure to work with, Lucius. Despite this," Albus assured him. "I happen to know you've been asked as a reference by more students than any of the rest of us at East Portlemouth Prep put together. I'll not lie for you, of course, but I will certainly still recommend you."

"I owe you very much, in that case," Lucius said. "I will be packed and gone by the morning. But, Albus, if it's possible... May I pay Narcissa weekly visits? At the least?"

Albus idly reached for a candy from the dish on his desk and popped it into his mouth, savouring the taste for a moment before speaking. "Delightfully lemon-y. Help yourself, if you wish. And of course you may visit. I would not dream of depriving her of your support in what will likely be a difficult and scary time in her life. I do, however, request that you exercise discretion."

Lucius nodded. "Of course."

"And that is a rather good note to end it on, don't you think? Kitty and I will meet soon for tea and to discuss who shall replace you, and you have a great many preparations to make, I'm sure. If there's nothing else, Mr. Malfoy?"

"No, Albus, that's all. And more than enough, I should think."


	4. June 8th, 1999

"I bought my dress yesterday," Marlene said suddenly, making a silly face at Gideon "You know how my mum wouldn't tell me why we were going to London for the weekend? Well, it was because she wanted to take me shopping in the ' _big city_ '. Honestly."

She tried to sound annoyed at her mother making such a big deal of it, but really, Marlene knew she'd ended up with a gorgeous dress. Marlene wasn't really the dress sort, but if she had to wear something so girly and stuff, at least it wasn't ugly. It was, well. Amazing. It was amazing, and classy, and while Marlene didn't think much about her looks, she knew it made her look downright beautiful.

"You probably loved it," Gideon teased with a big grin. "Are you going to model it for me, then?"

"Oh, yeah, let me get all dolled up and prance about for you. You know it's my favourite thing to do," Marlene retorted, sneering in response to what she assumed was him ribbing her. "You probably can't wait to see me play Barbie. You and the rest of the guys are going to have a great laugh at my expense the night of the dance, aren't you?"

Furrowing his eyebrows, Gideon replied, "If I wanted to see your tits bounce I'd pick you up and shake you. Now go try it on for me. I want to see it."

"Are you serious? You really want to see it?" she asked.

"Yes," Gideon said. "Is that such a shocking thing?"

"Yes. Well, I don't know. A little bit," she admitted, smiling. "It's hanging in the laundry room downstairs. Apparently my mother didn't trust me to keep it safe in here. I'll be right back, all right?"

"Yeah, go on then," Gideon said, and grinned broadly at her.

Rolling her eyes once more for effect, Marlene got up and headed for the laundry room. She almost just grabbed the dress and took it upstairs to change, but no one else was home and she thought it would sort of ruin the romance a little if he saw her struggling to get the damn thing on. As it was, she probably wouldn't be able to do it up all the way by herself.

So, she shut the door and pulled off her all her clothes but her underwear. The dress was strapless, which worried Marlene, as she personally thought she didn't have the rack to keep it up, though voicing such an opinion had gotten her scolded and promptly informed about the wonders of double-sided tape by both her mother and the saleslady. It hugged her body all the way down to the knee before it flared out. There was even a bit of a train--enough that the manufacturers had attached a loop to the hem of the skirt for Marlene to hook over her finger for effect, though she thought she'd probably just cut it off. In style, it wasn't really all that fantastic. It was the material that made it so striking, Marlene thought.

The dress was a gorgeous copper colour with a bit of a red sheen and it was sort of textured. The material seemed to be something between satin and taffeta, though Marlene didn't really know much about it, and it had a sort of print embedded into it. She just felt so glamorous when she wore it, which was ridiculous, really, as right up until her mother managed to find some shoes in a matching colour that she bought with very little input from Marlene, Marlene had been planning on wearing her sneakers to the dance. They were comfortable, and hardly anyone would see her shoes with a floor length dress anyway. Marlene was definitely the type that went for function over form and comfort over style.

But this dress! Well. It was the one exception.

So it was with a dreamy smile on her face that Marlene zipped it up as far as she could and made her way back to her room. She made her way up the stairs, down the hallway, and paused before pushing the door open all the way and stepping into her room.

"I, um. I can't do it up all the way on my own, but here it is," she said a little shyly. "What do you think?"

Gideon, who'd been chewing on his fingernails while watching Marlene's cat wash behind it's ears, looked up in surprise. His eyes went wide.

He actually gasped a little bit.

"Holy. Shit," he managed.

"Holy shit what?" Marlene asked, smoothing her hands down her sides a little. "I know it's totally... well, I would've gotten a stylish tuxedo or something and tried to be all edgy, but Mum thought it was too Ellen Degeneres or something, and I think her and Dad are already worried enough that I'm not into guys or something..."

"You look..." Gideon trailed off and bit his lip. "You look..."

"I look _what_ , Gideon? Don't keep a girl waiting," Marlene said impatiently. "Are you stunned into speechlessness or desperately trying to buy time while you search for a tactful way to say you think I look like a fool?"

"Gorgeous," Gideon breathed finally.

"Oh," Marlene said softly, and then smiled and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Thanks. And come lay with me. I can't bend enough in this thing to get all the way to the floor, and I don't want to wrinkle it anyway."

"You're red as a tomato, Kinny," Gideon said, moving over beside her. "Was it something I said?"

"Oh, what, just because I'm not a girly girl, you think I can't like being called gorgeous by my boyfriend?" Marlene teased, poking Gideon in the side and leaning back slowly to lay down, mindful of her dress and how far down the neckline slid. She _definitely_ didn't have the chest necessary to keep one of these things up.

"I can almost see your boobs," Gideon pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah. Well, you'll be happy to hear that I'll be expecting you to watch my boobs all night at the dance, just in case this bloody thing slides right off," Marlene quipped and took Gideon's hand. "God, can you believe we're almost finished school?"

"Not really, no," Gideon answered honestly. "I'm not really, you know. Ready for it to be over yet."

"What do you want to do? I mean, if you could do anything at all," Marlene said. "Forget any responsibilities and logistics. Just, no rules. What would your dream life be?"

It was Gideon's turn to blush as he mumbled, quietly, "Act."

"Yeah, but where? How big? Stage or screen or television?" Marlene prompted, tilting her face to look him right in the eye. "You never talk about your dreams to me, and I'd like to hear about them."

"Um. Film," Gideon said, sheepish. "I kind of want to, you know. Go to America some day."

"That would be cool, wouldn't it?" Marlene said encouragingly. "I've always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty and shit, and go to Beverly Hills and all that. And the Grand Canyon. You know, typical tourist things. I guess I'm not very original. But it'd just be cool, you know?"

Gideon swallowed. "Yeah. I want to go to Hollywood, you know? Someday... to try, at least." He sighed. "I wouldn't go by myself though."

"I'd go with you," Marlene said promptly, smiling brightly at him. "I mean, I know Fabian would probably go and all that, but I'm just saying. I'd go. If you wanted me to. We could just move there, for a year or two or three. By then you'd probably be famous enough that you could live anywhere and they'd pay you millions to fly all over the place and do all sorts of movies."

Gideon laughed. "I doubt it. I probably can't act for shit. I've never tried." He paused. "Would you really go with me?"

"Of course I would," Marlene said casually. "I love you. And I mean, what have I got here? My parents trying to push me into college while I take a year off to work and try to figure out what the hell I want out of life? Yeah, that's something to stay for. Besides, it would be lame here without you. America would be an adventure."

"Do you want to do it? Really? Seriously?" Gideon asked. "Like, after graduation just, you know. Cash in our savings, pack our bags and move to the States?"

Now it was Marlene's turn to laugh. "Yeah. Let's do it. We'll just take off on a plane across the world and surprise everyone." Smile fading and voice growing more serious, she added, "Really. I would, you know. We could, if we really wanted to."

"I want to. More than anything," Gideon said.

"Okay. Let's do it, then," Marlene breathed, and shifted to press a kiss to Gideon's shoulder. "Gid and Kinny do America."

Laughing Gideon asked, "Kin. Seriously. Are you serious?"

"Yes!" Marlene insisted, smiling against the skin of Gideon's neck. "I'm serious. Are _you_ serious? I mean, we could actually make this work. We could get a little shit hole flat together, get jobs in the meantime, scour the papers for open casting calls, save to get you an agent... You know? I'm serious."

"You want to move to America with me?" Gideon questioned again.

"Oh honestly, you idiot," Marlene said, sighing with exasperation and flopping back down onto her back. Glaring with frustration at Gideon, she said, "Yes, Gideon. I want to move to America with you. Now why don't you start taking a little more interest in getting your gorgeous girlfriend out of her gorgeous dress, and we can plan later, hm?"

"You won't forget?" Gideon asked, resting the tips of his fingers on the top of her breasts. "You promise you'll do it Kinny? Move to America with me?"

"I promise. I promise, I promise. You promise you won't leave me for a pretty blonde actress while we're there?"

Gideon slid his hands into Marlene's hair. "I promise. I'll never leave you because there's no one better than you."

"Good," Marlene breathed, and then pushed him away just enough to stand up. She turned her back on him and smiled over her shoulder as she reached to undo the zipper.

Stepping out of the dress and moving to straddle Gideon on the bed, Marlene smirked and added, "Look. There's not even any bra for you to fumble with."

"Convenient," Gideon said, smiling wryly as he reached his hands forward to massage her breasts.

"Indeed," Marlene agreed with a grin, putting her hands over top of his on her chest. Attempting (poorly, of course) to speak with a Southern American accent, Marlene added, "Now c'mon, cowboy. Let's get this party started. Y'all get y'all selves out of them there pants now, ya hear?"

"Is the accent supposed to be a turn on, Kin?" Gideon asked, laughing.

"I'm just practicing," Marlene replied softly, bending down to kiss him before sliding off to the side so he could remove his trousers. "You know. For when we move to America. Do you know they call trousers 'pants' there?"

"Trousers are underwear?"


	5. April 14th, 2006

Discouraged, Rachel was quick to stand and make her way to the refreshment table. The ladies of the Church Society were getting more and more ridiculous, and more and more of their discussion in the last few meetings had concerned raising Christian children, and how God could lead teenagers away from sex and down the path to righteousness. And _then_ the closing prayers always included (never failing) "and, Dear Lord, keep watch over Rachel and Edelynne and the broken offspring of their children's mistakes." Rachel was seriously thinking about quitting the society, although then she knew there'd be far more pity visits and pamphlets about the dangers of rejecting God stuffed into her mailbox.

As the meeting ended, Edie watched Rachel Potter make her way towards the food and drink. She brushed off a few women carelessly as she approached Rachel with a rather sudden sense of determination. She poured herself a cup of punch and leaned her weight artfully against the table, facing Rachel.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting quite sick indeed of this ridiculous condescension," Edelynne quipped. "God is world renown for his forgiveness, honestly. I hardly think we need to keep _asking_."

Rachel laughed. "We only need to ask for it if we find ourselves in these 'situations'. Unless we're Augusta Longbottom. Then the high and mighty of church society are too frightened to pass judgment."

"Just because Frank and Alice are regulars at the Church during the holidays, honestly. My Narcissa comes to Church often enough, and she _slept_ with her Religion teacher, for goodness sakes," Edie said with a smirk. "Such is the depth of her dedication to the Lord."

Rachel was grinning now, and with a wink she said, "James likes to think he's fooling me, but our walls are paper thin. I've heard him call out to God more than once." She sighed. "How are you Edie?"

"Fabulous, as usual. A perfect lady of society and leisure," Edie said with a roll of her eyes. "It's dreadfully boring at the country club lately, what with my name being taboo. It's rather constant, you know. 'Oh, her? That's Edelynne Black. She has a daughter pregnant by the girl's teacher and they've no plans to marry and all she did was offer to pay for a nanny, tsk, tsk.' I expect you're faring a little better with a wedding in the works before the child is due."

Rachel shrugged. "It was their decision, not ours. We just insisted on paying for a house. Lily's parents are taking care of the wedding. I wouldn't dare intrude on Margaret Evans' plans. I doubt Lily will even bother."

"We'd offer as well, but Lucius does well enough for himself, and he's a proud bastard anyway. He's actually quite a lot like Cygnus, you know. Girls do tend to go for men like their fathers," Edie said, reaching for an olive from a nearby platter on the table and popping it into her mouth. "So much like Cygnus, in fact, that he and Cygnus actually got on rather well when they met, and Lucius did have quite a lot working against him, having impregnated our dear Narcissa and all."

Rachel reached for another sandwich. "Lily's father is really James' opposite. The man is quiet and communicates through grunts, but his wife does enough talking for the both of them. And nothing against Margaret really. She'd bend over backward for any of us, I'm sure, but having the 'our children are teenagers, getting married and having a baby' conversation with her was honestly torture."

"I'm sure it was, though you know very well there aren't many women I can stand. Believe me when I say that the world is full of righteous cows who are totally beneath the both of us," Edie drawled, tossing her head to shake her sleek, ash blonde hair from her face as she cast a disdainful look around the room.

Though she did her part to play nice, Edie had never really gotten on with many of the women in Salcombe, and her opinion of them had taken a distinctly cynical turn after she found out Cygnus had had an illegitimate child with one of them. She was certainly closest with Rachel (aside, perhaps, from family). Edelynne and Rachel had been friends for years. Many of the women who had children around the same time ended up spending time together as the Church had a very active New Mothers Club, and though Agatha Black, Edie's own sister-in-law, and Augusta Longbottom had both been involved, Edie and Rachel had hit if off with each other right away. Never mind that Edie and Rachel were very, very different.

Rachel smiled slightly. "'Judge not lest ye be judged.' I think that many should learn to practice what that preach. There is nothing wrong with my son. Children learn and teach their children. All we can do is raise them as well we can. Teach them right from wrong. But, ultimately, it is their life to live and the decisions they make are theirs and theirs alone. Our children chose to have sex, not to have babies. That, ultimately was just a consequence."

"Oh, speak for yourself. Narcissa fully intended to get herself knocked up, the little brat," Edie said with a proud grin. "Not that I'm condoning her methods, mind, but she certainly knows what she wants does whatever it takes to ensure she gets it. My little girl."

"She always was very determined. I don't think James or Sirius will ever forgive for that time she forced them to play runway models in the backyard when my sister was visiting. Monica stills asks James if he's a fan of cashmere."

"Once, she went through Agatha Black's entire closet and piled probably more than half her clothes in the middle of the floor. When Agatha shouted for Cissa to explain herself, the little dear looked her right in the eye and said, 'this is everything in your closet that I find distasteful, ugly, or too frumpy to be allowed. I suggest you get rid of it.' We weren't invited back for weeks, of course, but it was such a laugh," Edie said brightly. "She was probably only ten or so at the time. Oh, and speak of the devil, incoming at two o'clock. Hello, Agatha!"

"Agatha, how are you?" Rachel inquired politely.

"Well enough, thank you," Agatha replied. "And why are the two of you lurking about the refreshment table, hmm? Today's discussion a little too much for your sensitivities?"

"Hardly," Edie said flippantly, demeanour nothing like just a few moments before. Now she was all cool grace and aloof confidence. "We were simply discussing the best places to shop for our heathen grandchildren. There's a lovely baby boutique in Kingsbridge with only top of the line baby supplies."

Rachel, tactfully, said nothing. She was too busy trying not to laugh.

Agatha rolled her eyes. "I don't know _how_ you can stand it. Especially you, Rachel dear. You knew Lily was with child early enough to," she discreetly lowered her voice, "be rid of it. And were Narcissa my daughter, Edie darling, she would surely be having nothing to do with that pedophile of a professor."

"If Narcissa were your daughter, I expect she'd be dating women now, wouldn't she? At least there's no risk of pregnancy in that," Edelynne returned evenly, her smile still polite and proper on her face. Then, in a very slightly louder voice, Edie added, "And as good, Christian women, it doesn't do to discuss abortion. I'd certainly never suggest Rachel murder her grandchild, though I'm sure that wasn't what you meant at all, was it Agatha?"

Rachel _did_ laugh at this, loudly, drawing attention from the other women of the group. Agatha's face was burning red. Edie had pinched a nerve and Agatha scathingly countered with, "I have only one son, and he is _not_ a...a... _homosexual_!"

"Funny thing," Rachel said, "because there's a young boy about James age who lives in my house on occasion, dates another bloke, looks like a male version of you and has the last name 'Black'. Funny, funny thing, if you ask me. What do you say, Edie?"

"Very funny indeed. I hear Sirius is well, by the way," Edie said brightly. "He's in a committed relationship now with a nice bookish fellow since the summer, Narcissa tells me. Quite excited about Narcissa and Lucius' baby, as well as James and Lily's, obviously. I'm so glad he and Narcissa remained close throughout such a... trying familial upset, but she's got her head on right about blood, at the very least. Family comes first, and all that."

"Family that has the common sense to be _normal human beings_ , perhaps. I don't know what sort of Christians the two of you are, with your heathen children."

"My two sons are independent, intelligent, well-mannered young men," Rachel said, smiling. "James and Sirius are the light of my life."

As much fun as it was to bait Agatha with Rachel, Agatha was still technically family (by law, anyway) and however much Edie disliked her, she knew she oughtn't push her _too_ far. Cygnus had informed her more than once of how tedious it was to have to speak to Orion after Agatha had been wailing at him all day.

So, Edie smiled brightly and said, "Well, it's nearly noon. I hate to chat and dash, Agatha, but Rachel and I were going to go out for lunch. Oh, don't get me wrong, the food here is quite good, but I'm craving a nice, fruity cocktail. What's that quaint little expression again, Rachel? It's five o'clock somewhere?"

"Indeed, indeed," Rachel answered. "Good afternoon, Agatha."

Agatha, swallowing her pride for the sake of appearances, nodded curtly. Turning to Edie she said, "You'll have to come for tea tomorrow, darling. I won't take no for an answer.

"I'd love to, Agatha, but I'm interviewing nannies all day tomorrow," Edie returned smoothly, and she wasn't even lying. "Narcissa's due date is coming up fast, and you know I won't hire just any old biddy. I'll ring you soon, though, and we'll set something up. It's been too long. Bye now, Agatha. Ta, ladies!"

Rachel and Edie headed into outside and turned onto the sidewalk toward the nearest restaurant. "I know she's your sister-in-law by some accounts Edie, but honestly the woman just grates my nerves."

"I completely understand," Edelynn agreed instantly. "Honestly, the Bible is all about interpretation, I think, and she's interpreted it _all wrong_. Oh, and do you mind if I drive us? I need you to help me decide if I should trade in my car for something nicer."

"Sounds good to me," Rachel replied cheerfully, and couldn't help but think how obvious it was where Narcissa got her spunk.


	6. Mid Fourth Year

James had just finished another day in the Home Ec class he'd been forced to drop Physical Education for. Which was fine, really, because he was still on the footie team and now he was learning things like how to cook lasagna and how to sew and how to type, which--as much as he hated to admit it--would likely come in handy once he was a dad.

And thoughts like that of course started his brain thinking about the future, his fiancé, his upcoming wedding, his unborn son. Once his brain went _there_ , it took quite a bit to get it out again.

As James shifted his bag on his shoulder and opened the door to his room, the tangle of naked limbs on his bed and more than one penis bouncing around was quite enough to do that.

"What the hell?" James hollered and jumped back out of the room again, slamming the door behind him. "You could lock it!"

"Fuck!" Sirius said, stopping his thrusts and glancing uncomfortably at the door. "You could fucking knock!"

"It's my fucking room, why the fuck would I knock?" James shouted back. "Oh bloody buggering hell; I don't know if I will ever see anything else when I close my eyes ever again. If you two just ruined my happily heterosexual sex life, I will be royally pissed!"

"Stop shouting, please," Remus pleaded, looking very red in the face indeed as he pushed Sirius off of him. "Where are my shorts?"

Sitting up, Sirius yelled at the door, "Well I'm royally pissed because you just ruined a perfectly good fuck!"

"Shut up, shut up, both of you shut up," Remus hissed as he began collecting his clothing. "People will hear you."

"Oh, bugger off, Sirius. You can fuck any time. I am _traumatized_ ," James complained. "Get out of my room!"

"I hope that you're never able to satisfy Evans again and she leaves you for a manlier man," Sirius said. "One with a cock three times the size of yours!"

"That is anatomically impossible! My cock is enormous!" James shouted, running a hand through his hair to distract from the growing feelings of uneasiness. He'd just seen two of his best mates doing it up the arse. "Are you dressed yet?"

"I'm not!" Sirius answered as Remus threw his trousers at him.

"Nearly, James," Remus answered, giving Sirius his best stern look before pulling on his jumper and totally ruining any appearance of strictness by getting his head caught in a sleeve. "I can't believe he just... saw us. Dear lord."

Sirius pulled on his trousers with a grumble and said, "Well he could've asked to join in. That would've been more uncomfortable."

Remus finally got his head through the proper hole and stared at Sirius, looking appalled. "As if it isn't bad enough, can you just please try not to make it worse? Put on a shirt, Sirius. I'm opening the door."

"Well, fuck, it's not as though he hasn't seen me without one on before," Sirius complained, pulling one on anyway.

"Clothes! Clothes are good!" James shouted, and then blinked in shock as he suddenly came face to face with a very red faced Remus who couldn't quite seem to meet his eyes. "Er. So. Bum sex. In my room. Where I sleep."

"Bugger off, James," Sirius scoffed, frowning. "You knew we did it here before today."

"Yeah, well, theoretically I knew it," James admitted, scrunching up his nose in disgust. "Now I've, you know, seen it. Ew. Seriously, locks are nifty inventions. Use them."

"We're sorry, James. We must've forgotten," Remus said. "We usually do. Honest. Just. We were a bit distracted, you know, and neither of us wanted to stop to get to the door, I guess. Sorry."

"Amidst our passion it didn't cross our minds," Sirius said drolly, but didn't apologize. "You walked in on Hestia and I like, 50 times in second year and it never bothered you."

"That's totally different," James said defensively. "She's sexy. Er, no offence, Remus. Just. I don't know. It's weird, all right? You're putting things where things ought not be put."

"There's nothing wrong with it. It's just sex," Sirius countered. "And it's not like you didn't try it with Evans that time."

"Well, yeah," James said, frowning thoughtfully. "It was kind of fun, I guess. Not quite as slippery."

"Uh, I know talking about sex is one of those things you two do, but I really don't need to hear about Lily's... anything."

"So you've put things where they ought not be put, etc," Sirius said, ignoring Remus. "It's no different with me and Remus only he, unlike Lily, is pussy-less."

As the most mature person in the room by far, Remus felt he could be excused for a brief lapse as he stuck his fingers in his ears and began to hum the national anthem.

James smirked and then said, "I think we're freaking your girlfriend out, Pads. Never mind that not a moment ago, he was on his back with his legs in the air and moaning like an amateur porn star, mind."

"He's far less of a prude than he pretends to be," Sirius explained, fondly. "He just doesn't appreciate the pussy."

"Could you please stop saying that word?" Remus asked, dropping his hands to his sides. "It's vulgar."

"You don't like _pussy_ , Moony? What kind of man doesn't like _pussy_?" James teased.

Remus raised an eyebrow at James. "You don't think before you speak, do you?"

"Pussy isn't vulgar," Sirius said. "It's just pussy, and it's no more vulgar than bum sex at any rate. You seem to like that well enough.”

"How did this become about me?" Remus asked, baffled. "James just..."

"Walked in on you being banged like a bass drum?" James interrupted, grinning. "Yeah, I'm over that, and you're scared of girl parts."

"He really is," Sirius agreed, grinning to rival James. "I'd say he was gayer than Fabian but I know that's impossible, although to my knowledge, despite his love for glitter and all things pastel, Fabian is not afraid of pussy."

"I'm not _afraid_. I just don't like to hear about it," Remus sighed.

"Or _see_ it," James pushed. Remember that time in second year with the porn? You turned a little green and covered your eyes. Admit it, Moony."

"He's not afraid of cock though," Sirius said cheerfully. "He loves the cock like it's nobody's business."

"I'm going back to my room," Remus said, making for the door. "If you two want to stay here and talk about cock, be my guest."

"He said it. Did you hear that? Moony just said cock!" James laughed. "Moony, Moony, say it again!"

Sirius grinned, more at Remus' red face than the fact he'd said cock (it wasn't as though Sirius hadn't heard him say it before). God he loved him. So fucking much, from the way he frowned, to the way his hair was still stuck to his face from the sex sweat. "James. James, get the fuck out of here," he said suddenly. "Go visit your pregnant wife-to-be. Bake her a cake or something."

"Padfoot!" James complained. "It's my room too!"

"Not for the next two hours it isn't. I'm renting it out to myself. Go away."

"Sirius," Remus scolded. "You can't kick him out."

James couldn't help but stumble unceremoniously from his room as Sirius shoved him, and he glowered at the door for a second. "Lock it this time, and don't unlock it until you're both fully decent! I don't need a repeat experience!"

"Bye, Prongs, have fun!" Sirius sing-songed, and shut the door in James' face. He locked it, then added, "Want me to hang a sock on the knob too, or do you get the point?"

"Bugger you," James retorted, and rolled his eyes at his own double entendre, despite knowing that there was no one there to see. "Two hours, mate! That's it! I have stuff to do."

"Yes, now fuck off," Sirius said, and without listening to see if James had begun walking to the stairwell, Sirius turned Remus and pushed him roughly against the door. "You have to stop being so fucking sexy," he explained, sliding the tips of his fingers under Remus' jumper, making them dance over the warm skin of Remus' belly.

"Oh," Remus said, a little breathless and at a loss of words thanks to the sudden shift in activities. He couldn't help but lean into Sirius' distracting, too-light touch, though, and it took him a moment to collect his thoughts enough to ask, "What exactly did I do that you found so sexy? Just, you know, for future reference."

"You said cock," Sirius answered, nimbly unbuttoning Remus' trousers. "The look on your face when you said it. Was just. It _was_."

"It's just a word, Sirius," Remus said, letting his eyes flicker shut as his body quickly responded to Sirius' touch. "Cock, that is. What did I look like when I said cock?"

"Embarrassed and adorable," Sirius replied grinning, tugging Remus' trousers past his hips. "All red-faced. And you looked like you'd just had sex."

"Oh," Remus half-gasped, half-groaned. "Well, about that..."

"Yes, about that," Sirius said. "I'd like to finish what we started before James interrupted us with his heterosexual whines."

"Well, handy that we're alone in a locked room with a bed then, isn't it?"


	7. Fall 2005

The big meetings were always a jumble. There were too many people to have in the basement, so Gideon and Fabian made arrangements with Horrace to pay to use the basement of the pub whenever they needed to because there was plenty of space and it wasn't being used otherwise. People trickled in at intervals over an hour to make it less suspicious (the random friends of core members who helped whenever they could, Gideon and Fabian's contacts, plus all the core members), as there was usually at least 50 people besides the two of them when they came together. Sometimes Gideon felt as though they were running a cult.

"Right," Gideon said, clearing his throat and standing. Most everyone was seated on the hard, dusty floor; some people were leaning against the walls, and the empty crates Horrace kept down there. Gradually the individual chatter died down and everyone looked at Gideon expectantly because he was Gideon and he did most of the talking. "So, first big get together in a while. There's nothing much to report on our side, except that Fred there finally convinced his boss that cleaning the Vol de Mort stores is not on. Good on you, mate. Anyone have anything else?"

"Uh, yeah," Dorcas said loudly from her spot leaning against the back wall. "Who all needs a place to sleep after whatever the fuck is happening tomorrow? I may be fucking new to all of this, but I'm not going to stand meekly to the side and wait to be fucking told what the fuck is going on."

"Yeah, this is Dorcas, everyone," Gideon said pointedly. "For everyone from out of town, she's our safe house tomorrow in case things go to shit."

Leaning against the wall beside Marlene, Edgar glanced to whom Gideon was referring and instantly felt his stomach drop to his ankles. The girl had fiery red hair, an angry expression, and couldn't have been more than sixteen. Marlene nudged him and gave him a questioning look; he'd been staring at the Dorcas bird and hadn't noticed that Gideon was still talking.

"We'll hand out the address at the end with the list of need-to-knows. Fabian is running things tomorrow since I couldn't pull off work tomorrow. So, moving on, Clara's still getting shit organized for the ad campaign at the end of the month, and she's still looking for people for London, Surrey and Liverpool."

Dorcas frowned. She'd never been big on groups. She liked being the centre of attention and it annoyed her when she couldn't be. Like now. She was only fifteen, sure, but she was smart enough to know holding up the meeting for the sake of a little attention wouldn't exactly be appreciated. These guys, it seemed, were professional. Boring! She snapped her gum loudly and sighed, and continued looking around the room, searching for a distraction.

Her waiter friend from the country club who'd gotten her involved in this elbowed her and gave her a weird look, but she just shoved him away and continued looking around, bored. It seemed like such a fucking cool idea, being a part of an illegal, top secret activism organization, and she fucking hated all those cunts at school that wore ugly, slutty Vol de Mort clothes and acted like they were so much better than her. But maybe it wasn't worth it. If she'd only been here for an hour and she was already bored, how could a group like this possibly hold her interest for any extended period of time?

It was then, though, that she noticed a blonde guy near the front watching her. She grinned widely at him held two fingers up to her face, sticking her tongue between them in an obscene gesture and waiting for a reaction.

Edgar raised his eyebrows. What the fuck. Well if she wanted to make faces at him he could certainly make them back. Contorting his face Edgar stuck his tongue out. He probably looked completely retarded.

Dorcas burst out laughing then (earning herself an annoyed "quiet!" from a nearby fellow wearing a funny hat), and immediately decided she liked that guy. As soon as Gideon finished talking, she was going to go introduce herself for real. In the meantime, however, she completely ignored whatever else was going on in favour of pulling her face into some weird and hideous expression.

"Uh, Edgar?" Marlene asked, amused. "What're you doing, man?"

"The girl back there made a face at me, so I'm making them back," Edgar replied through a skewed, random expression. "How ridiculous do I look? Be honest."

"You look like a large monkey," Marlene snorted. "An unattractive one. Why?"

"Why not?" Edgar asked, looking at Marlene and grinning. "I'm sure there are less ridiculous looking ways of flirting with a bird, but I'm not really complaining."

"Aren't you seeing someone?" Marlene asked, and then wrinkled her nose. "And that girl looks like she's about fourteen anyway. Jail bait, Bones."

"Laura's nothing serious, and it's just harmless flirting anyhow," Edgar said between making faces. "It's not as though I'm asking for a shag by sticking my tongue out at her."

"Whatever," Marlene snickered. "She's a baby."

"And that's about it for now! We hope to see all of you tomorrow at the anti-fur rally, and if any of you missed any information because you weren't paying attention," Fabian said, sending a teasing, pointed look at Edgar and Marlene, "then you'll have to get your information from someone else. There are print-outs of Dorcas' address, complete with little maps, up at the front here. Come and pick one up."

Dorcas brushed off her friend and made her way to the front, though obviously not to get a map. Stopping in front of Edgar, she stuck out her hand and said, "Dorcas. Who're you?"

"Edgar," he answered, taking her hand and shaking it. "You probably shouldn't make a habit of making faces at strangers. Not everyone here is as game as me, you know."

"Thank Jesus Bones here happens to be one of the cool ones," Marlene said and rolled her eyes before patting Ed on the shoulder and making her way towards Gideon. Ed could flirt with the new girl on his own.

"Marlene's just jealous because she wants my bits," Edgar explained laughingly as Marlene flipped him off as she walked away. Not that she hadn't already had them. Turning his attention back to Dorcas he asked, "So how old are you?"

Dorcas snorted. "Why? Wondering if it's legal to fuck me? Save yourself the fucking heartache, man. I'm a dyke. Sorry I'm so fucking hot. You can think about me while you jack off if you want."

Edgar looked at her incredulously. "Full of yourself much?" Not that she was far off the mark, but still. She was something else. What, exactly, Edgar wasn't sure.

"What, am I wrong?" Dorcas asked, smirking cheekily, and stepped into his space, putting a hand on his chest and sliding it down his side to rest it on his hip. "You weren't fucking thinking about it? And now that you know I fuck girls, you're thinking about it even more, right?"

Oh God. This did not spell good things. Fuck Gideon for pointing her out because now Edgar was wishing the fuck he hadn't looked at her. Stupidly he said, "You say fuck a lot."

Dorcas laughed and punched him in the arm, stepping back a little and grinning. "Fuck yeah I do. And I'm fifteen. Bet you feel fucking dirty now, right?"

Edgar reached up and ran a hand through his hair. "No, but I suppose I should."

"Nah. You can pretend I'm older if you want. I do," Dorcas said. "So what the fuck is this all about? The Order of Weed. Seriously rocking name, but is it any fucking _fun_?"

"Depends on where you are in it," Edgar answered tentatively. "You're new meat. They'll put you through shit, but if you stick it out, you get to do the good stuff."

"Fuck, man. I'm so not good with commitment," Dorcas complained. "It's going to be your job to keep me fucking entertained. Deal?"

Edgar quirked an eyebrow. "I guess I could do that."

"You just sealed your fucking fate, man," Dorcas said, leering at him. "I am one high maintenance cunt. You really do like me, don't you?"

"You seem all right," Edgar replied, uncomfortable, trying not to notice the way the lighting was dancing through her hair. Ten minutes earlier he'd been happily thinking about having another go with wossface because she was a pretty decent shag, but now all he wanted to do was impress this cursing, jailbait lesbian.

Dorcas crossed her arms over his chest and glared at him. "All right? Are you fucking kidding me? That's a fucking insult."

Edgar shrugged, smiling slightly, amused at her pouting but angry at himself as he realized that she already had him wrapped around her finger when they didn't even know one another's last names. "Right, then, so what's a better adjective? Dramatic?"

"Orgasmic," Dorcas said promptly, smile returning. "Hey, are you coming tomorrow? You can crash at my place anyway, even if you're not a fucking out of towner or whatever. You're local, right?"

"Yeah, born and bred, whatever," Edgar said. "I'm in Gideon's boat, I have to work tomorrow," he explained regretfully, because despite the fact he hadn't been that interested in the protest to start with, now he wanted to participate just for her sake.

"How old are you?" she asked suddenly. She'd assumed he was 18 or so, but wasn't Gideon like, 24 or something? Ed couldn't be that old. "And fucker, come after work. You've agreed to keep me entertained, and that includes when I've got a house full of strangers who are probably going to ask eight thousand times where the fucking bathroom is."

"Eighteen," Edgar answered. "I'm working until 10 though; what's the point in coming then?"

"Yeah, I figured you were about that," Dorcas said. "And are you fucking kidding me? Who are you, my fucking grandma? No one who's any fun goes to bed at 10. I'll be up until two at least, I'm sure. Come by. We can make out on the couch if you want."

Dorcas waggled her eyebrows and mimed giving a blowjob for a moment before laughing and pushing Ed playfully.

For a moment Edgar thought she was actually seriously but felt his chest sink when she turned it into a joke. "So you're really a lesbian then?" he asked, to make certain, although something in the back of his head told him that Dorcas being that wasn't quite on.

"Dyke through and through," Dorcas answered, smirking. "I can tell you're heartbroken, but I promise, as soon as I can convince my girlfriend to do the homemade porn thing, you'll be the first fucking person I send it to."

"Gee thanks," Edgar said, a little crestfallen. He was sure it was obvious enough to her that he'd been interested, and didn't really care. She was playful, funny and not lewd enough to be disgusting, and every time she spoke Edgar's insides did a gleeful, nauseating little dance. Here Sirius had been teasing that if he kept it up he'd be the Order's next manwhore, and now he was picturing _snuggling_ with this random, obnoxious gay girl who quite obviously was NOT looking to be converted to heterosexuality. Quite frankly he was a little disgusted with himself, and didn't know what to say to keep the conversation going. He was quiet by nature, but he could flirt as well as the next man. Dorcas, however, stopped him in his tracks.

Dorcas, for her part, was rather enjoying the obvious interest Ed was paying her. While she had no intention of indulging him, she figured she might as well enjoy the attention while she could.

"So. Edgar. Is the blonde natural?" she asked, leaning forward to twirl a strand of his hair around her finger.

Edgar licked his lips. "Very. Swedish. My family is, I mean. Blue eyes, blonde hair..." He sounded like an absolute dipshit and didn't know how to save himself. "Bet that red is as natural the tightness of Fabian Prewett's trousers."

Snickering, Dorcas answered, "Actually, I'm a fucking blonde, if you can believe it. Not quite like you. I'm _a little dirtier_."

"I'm already getting that impression, despite the dye," Edgar said, grinning.

Dorcas laughed loudly and ran a hand through her hair, ignoring the few knots that snagged her along the way. "I need a fucking fag. Do you smoke?"

"No," Edgar answered. "But I'm not opposed to second hand."

"Cool," Dorcas said with a pleased smile. "Find me a ciggie then, and come out with me? Please? I'm right the fuck out."

Thankfully for Edgar's bleeding heart and broken brain, he knew a lot of smokers. "Just wait outside the door and give me a mo'," he said, intending, before finding her a fag, to speak to Marlene in hopes that she'd talk some sense into him. She usually managed to.

"Bossy, bossy," Dorcas chided, but made her way to the door anyway. Maybe there was someone outside smoking she could bum from while she waited. "Don't be too fucking long, yeah?"

"I won't," he said, smiling at her, and bounded for Marlene the minute Dorcas was out the door.

"What, kid, you're like a puppy," Marlene said as he grabbed her arm. She rolled her eyes at his stupid grin and shook her arm free. "Get off. What's up?"

"I'm utterly and totally fucked," Edgar said, but couldn't stop grinning like the pathetic, idiotic fool he obviously was. "That girl is like weed laced with crack, meth and acid. I feel like I'm going to explode. Help. Please."

"She's a baby! Edgar Bones, what do you think you're _doing_?" Marlene explodes. "How old is she? She looks about 12. Please tell me she isn't 12, at least."

"15?" Edgar winced. "And she's a lesbian."

"Ed! Holy hit, man. You'd be better off going for another shot with _me_ ," Marlene replied with a groan. "Don't do it. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak. And rape charges."

Edgar rubbed his temples. "She asked me to find her a fag, Marly. And to entertain her."

"Entertain her as in 'dance, monkey boy, dance'? Because seems to me she's that sort of person," Marlene said. "I don't get what's got you so hooked."

"I don't know. I don't. It's one of those unexplainable mysteries of life that will never be solved and it doesn't matter anyhow, because I'll never shag her, because she's a raging fucking lesbian," Edgar huffed, annoyed at himself. "When have you known me to go arse over tits for a bird? Ever?"

"Don't bitch at me about it," Marlene said, rolling her eyes. "You have no right to complain. You obviously plan to go right ahead with it, despite advice from a very smart lady suggesting otherwise. Now go run along after your underage lesbian crush." 

"A smart lady who can't talk me down from a ledge," Edgar said, exasperated. "Common sense is going in one ear and heading right back out the other."

"Bones, you _want_ to be up on that ledge, or else you wouldn't be. Don't go blaming me," Marlene said with smirk. "Now shoo. Gideon and I were talking."

"Fine, fine!" Edgar said, throwing his arms up in defeat before looking for someone he knew would give him cigarettes.


	8. October 30th, 2004

"Yeah, can I have another please?" Marlene asked Horrace the bartender, and then slumped forward and grabbed his arm before he walked away. "You know, actually, you might as well just bring me three more. Thanks."

It was October 30th, the Saturday before Halloween, and Marlene had been at Stubby's costume party. Gideon had showed up, though, and she'd promptly climbed out the bathroom window before he'd seen her and escaped to Horrace's pub to drink alone. Dressed as Dorothy, no less, but wit a dress that was just a little too small. The tight collar had been irritating her for far too long, though, so she'd undone it, and pair that with the somewhat short skirt, Marlene was far too close for her own liking to being a tramp that used Halloween as an excuse to dress like a slut. She was also rapidly getting too drunk to care.

When Horrace brought her three shots to her, she smiled dizzily up at him and asked, "Would you like to sleep with me?"

I'm married, love," he said kindly. "Besides. Anyone can tell you're heartbroken. Sex won't fix it. Do you want me to call you a cab home?"

"No. 'M fine," Marlene mumbled, quickly shooting back the three small shooters of alcohol and making a face. "Ew. More?"

The door bell dinged and Edgar Bones, Aidan Lynch and Davy Gudgeon walked into the bar, completely out of place and hoping for drinks anyhow. It was a slow, boring sort of night, and they were putting off studying (as usual), so getting drunk seemed an obvious remedy for three seventeen year old boys. That was, until Edgar spotted a sauced looked Marlene at the counter in a pair of ruby red slippers.

A familiar blond boy sat down next to her, and Marlene blinked at him. "Well hello there, Edgar Bones. Where is your costume?"

"Technically it's not Halloween, Marlene McKinnon," Edgar replied. "Why are you drunk and dressed like Dorothy? And alone?"

"I'll tell you a secret," Marlene said, and leaned towards him, lips brushing his cheek sloppily as she aimed to whisper in his ear. "I fucked everything up. I'll probably be alone forever."

"I highly doubt that," Edgar said with smile, putting his hand on Marlene's shoulder to steady her so she wouldn't fall off of her stool. "And what sort of everything did you fuck up?"

"Everything, everything," Marlene said, and then dropped her head onto Edgar's shoulder. "Do you want me? I'm not totally alone forever if you want me."

Edgar laughed. "I'm not going to shag you while you're drunk, Marlene. And you won't be alone forever." He wondered what on Earth could've happed to put Marlene in such a state. Ed hadn't even known she'd been involved with anyone, and from the looks of it, it must've been something big because the entire situation seemed rather catastrophic.

"Can you maybe just take me home then?" Marlene asked. "You're such a nice boy."

"So I've been told," Edgar said. "And sure, I'll take you home."

"Horrace!" Marlene shouted, swinging wildly around to face the bar. Her sudden switch in position had her over-balancing and careening away from Edgar and off the other side of her stool. Amidst laughter from the other bar patrons, Marlene called miserably up from the floor, "Ow. Horrace, I owe you money."

"Don't worry about it," Horrace said peering over the counter at her. "Next time, love."

Edgar helped Marlene to her unsteady feet, allowing her to balance most of her weight on him as he swung her arm around his shoulders. "Come on then," he said. "Lucky for you I have my car."

"Oi, Bones, what about your dearest oldest mates?" Davy asked from the table he and Aidan had seated themselves at. "Ditching us for a bird? Not on mate."

"Leave him alone, dude," Aidan said to Davy, smiling. "She obviously needs a hand. Have a good night, man. Take care of her."

"Right, tomorrow then," Edgar said to the two of them, and then heaved Marlene out the door and toward the parking lot. "Who's this about, Marlene?" he asked, curious above and beyond everything else. He wondered if maybe he should call someone, like Gideon, but for some reason a little voice in the back of his head was telling him that that was a bad idea.

"Who do you think it's about?" she slurred as she stumbled to his car, crawling into the passenger seat and bringing her hands up to push her hair from her flushed face. "There's only one man in my life that’s worth anything. I bet you can guess."

Edgar thought about it as he rounded to the driver’s side and got in. He had to reach across and shut the door for her, and then did up her seatbelt, but didn't say anything until he'd started the car and was pulling out of the parking space. "There's only one man in your life who's worth anything?" he asked, settling on Gideon as his answer, having realized that perhaps the voice in the back of his head knew more about what was going on that he'd realized himself.

"Yeah," Marlene said, tears coming to her eyes. "And I love him him so much, and I'll never love anyone else, ever, and I'll just have to settle for meaningless sex forever."

"So, it's Gideon, then?" Edgar questioned quietly, glancing at Marlene as he pulled to a stop sign. She looked utterly depressed and a little pathetic, and Edgar felt quite bad for her indeed, wondering what he could do to make it better. "Pretty sure Gid'll have you, you know."

"No, he won't," Marlene said. "We've tried it loads of times, and this time it's really done. It's all my fault, but I couldn't let myself get that attached. It hurt too much when he left last time. And I'm rambling. I don't want to talk about Gideon. Let's talk about you. Do you have a girlfriend?"

Edgar didn't fancy spouting advice to Marlene when he hardly knew what she was talking about where Gideon was concerned, so he sighed, turned left onto Front Street and conceded. "No," he said. "Broke up with that bint, Melanie. Don't know what it is about birds and cars, particularly since mine is an absolute shitbucket, but she mostly just liked to have a free ride. And not in the more pleasant of ways where I was concerned."

"That's too bad," Marlene mumbled, turning in her seat to watch Edgar drive. "Do you know, I think this is the first time I've talked to you outside of Order meetings ever?"

"Yes, I suppose it is. Except for that one time I was at the supermarket with my mum. Although you talked more to her than you did me," Edgar said. "I didn't quite grasp your preoccupation with sandwich meat the way she did."

"It's so bloody expensive," Marlene complained. "I don't have any money. Are you sure you don't want to have sex with me tonight? I think I'll feel much better if I get laid."

"I'm sure, Marlene," Edgar said. "You don't want to shag me, you just think you do."

"Shut up. Gideon always does that too, tries to tell me what I think. Well bugger to you both. I know what I bloody want," Marlene said, glaring. "I want to have sex tonight, and I don't much care who with, but you're a rather good looking bloke so I figured you'd do. If you don't want to, fine. Just say so. I know I'm drunk and sloppy and being a total slut. I'm sure there are thousands of reasons why you wouldn't want to, but don't tell me _I_ don't want to."

"Fine," Edgar said a bit tersely as he turned onto the street of Marlene's complex. "You'd regret it, is what I mean. Random sex doesn't equate good sex."

"Stupid boys with stupid hang ups, honestly," Marlene grumbled. "If I were a guy, wanting to get laid by someone who wasn't Gideon for the first time in my life would be no big deal. _Guys_ have random sex all the time. But oh no, not Marlene. Instead, she gets babysat by some blond kid with stupid hang ups. What sort of teenage boy are you, turning down a girl who's throwing herself at you, anyway?"

"A nice boy. You said it yourself," Edgar offered helplessly, but couldn't help but wonder himself. It wasn't as though he'd never had sex before, and the idea of sex he was indifferent about completely because it was _just sex_ , but Marlene was drunk and he was _not_ Gideon, and there was something else nagging at him that was keeping him from just saying fuck it and going for the gusto.

Rolling back to look away from him, Marlene tried not to start crying again. Even when she told boys all she wanted from them was sex, they still didn't want her. "Whatever. Just let me out here, I can walk the rest of the way."

"I won't have you fall down those steps, they're shit," Edgar argued, knowing perfectly well that she probably couldn't undo her seatbelt anyway. She didn't say anything back, so they sat in silence until Edgar finally pulled into the complex car park. He reached over and helped Marlene get out of her seatbelt, and then climbed out of his side.

Walking around he held the door for her and said, "All right?"

"I'm fine. I can take care of myself, you know," Marlene said, getting out of the car and nearly bailing right off. Catching herself on Ed's arm, she righted herself and said, still slurring a little, "I'm fine. I'm not that drunk. That was a coincidence."

Smiling, Edgar hoisted her up and shut the car door behind them. "You can't stand for shit yet you're speaking coherently. Seems rather off to me, what were you drinking?"

"Tequila," Marlene answered, and reluctantly held onto him. "It's different than normal alcohol, I think. Sort of a body buzz, or whatever."

"Ah. So you're not really that drunk, you're just uncoordinated?" Edgar was grasping for straws, he realized, because although he didn't want to hurt her anymore than Gideon already had, he'd realized that rejecting her had hurt her quite enough, and if she just wanted to shag, who was he to say no really? So long as she wasn't completely out of her tree Edgar could salvage the possibility, make her happy, get laid, and go home.

"Guess so," Marlene said, momentarily forgetting her anger at him over being shot down and leaning her head on his shoulder. Feeling defensive, she added, "I'm fairly pretty, you know. I don't care if you don't think so."

"I never said I didn't think you were pretty," Edgar said. "I think you're quite pretty, for what it's worth."

"Just too pathetic to indulge," Marlene said, and wrinkled her nose at him. "I know. I'm a mess, aren't I? But I'm _horny_ , Ed, and I don't want to sleep with Stubby, because then it'll be a relationship, and I so don't want one of those right now. He just doesn't _get_ it."

"Stubby's a bit of a dip in my opinion, but I suppose I'm biased considering how many times he 'accidentally' smoked Sirius's bits when we were growing up," Edgar babbled, helping Marlene up the stairs one step at a time. "And sex is just sex. Some blokes can't disconnect the two. Sex and love, that is."

"We're at my door," Marlene said, distracted from Edgar's comment by the familiar numbers of her flat. Keys, keys, where were they? Oh yeah! Marlene wiggled out of Ed's arms to stand on her own two feet and dig around in her bra for her key. Producing it proudly, Marlene concentrated for a moment, unlocking the door and leaning back against it before opening it, smiling at Ed. "Well, thanks. And thanks anyway, I guess, if you're sure you don't want to come in."

Edgar chewed on his lip for a moment, surveyed Marlene, told his brain to shut the fuck up, and then said, "All right, then. I'll come in."

"Really?" Marlene asked, reaching forward to grab a handful of Edgar's shirt and pull him close. "Not such good boy after all, then, are you?"

Edgar couldn't help but grin. Marlene reeked of tequila and was tottering on her heels, but she was smiling at him in a way that made those things obsolete, even when she opened the door, nearly fell backward, and he had to catch her.

"My bed's behind the curtain," she informed him loftily as she kicked off her shoes, leaning heavily on the supporting arm he had around her waist. "Don't mind the mess."

"Wow, this place is _small_ ," Edgar commented, taking of his runners. "My bedroom is bigger than this place."

"Well I'm a working girl, and I pay for it all myself," Marlene said as she struggled with her dress. "Besides, it's cute. Hey, can you undo me?"

"Right," Edgar said, stepping behind her and zipping down her dress. "So. Why Dorothy?"

Marlene smiled and shimmied out of her dress, turning to face Ed wearing only her bra, underwear and leggings. "I don't know. I always loved that movie. I watched it with my dad a lot when I was little, and I guess I was feeling nostalgic this month. You planning on kissing me any time soon?"

Edgar ran an awkward hand through his hair, took three tentative steps forward, and then kissed Marlene.

Marlene kissed him back, pushing his jacket off his shoulders and sliding her fingers up under his t-shirt. "Arms up," she murmured into his mouth, and then broke the kiss to pull the fabric clumsily up over his head. As soon as it was off, she smiled and said, "You're hair's all mussed," before ruffling it and walking towards the curtains, pulling them back and sitting down on her bed to pull her leggings off.

"Come here, Ed," she called, reaching over to turn on her radio. Classic rock began to play and she put her hands in her hair and began to sway to the beat. "Hell, I'm drunk. Come here."

Edgar did come there. He undid his trousers as he went, but didn't say anything, because quite frankly he didn't know what to say.

Marlene pulled down her underwear, then got up to kick them off and slid her bra off at the same time, throwing it wildly across the room. Closing the space between her and Ed, she put her hands on his shoulders, leaning in to kiss his neck as she slid her hands down his arms and to his waist, pushing his trousers and his boxers down. She hardly knew Edgar and she'd never slept with anyone who wasn't Gideon, and she was drunk and miserable, and this made her feel a little bit better. She could get by without Gideon.

Edgar stepped out of his pants and trousers, and then pushed Marlene back gently on the bed. He didn't know if she wanted it rough, or sweet, or slow, or fast, so he straddled her and kissed her lips and jaw and neck and figured she'd show him what she wanted. 

"That's more like it," Marlene breathed. Reaching into her bedside drawer for a condom--Gideon had teased her that her bedside drawer was manly, what with being full of condoms and reachable from bed--and held it out to Ed. "Put it on." 

Edgar did so relatively quickly and was back to kissing her neck again. Her legs spread underneath him and without a second thought--one that would surely nag at him that this was a bad, bad, bad idea--he pushed inside of Marlene. 

Marlene gasped and shut her eyes, wrapping her legs around Ed's waist. She was glad that Ed was busy at her neck. That way he couldn't see the way she bit her lip or squeezed her eyes shut, all in an attempt to keep from thinking about Gideon and losing it. Finally she composed herself enough to breathe, "Harder." 

"Okay," Edgar grunted, and thrust harder, sucking her earlobe roughly. 

Marlene curled one hand into Ed's hair (it felt different than Gideon's had, it was a little thinner and quite a bit longer) and fisted the other in the sheets as she arched against him and rocked her hips into his.

Edgar rather felt as though he was having an out of body experience. All of the natural reactions and processes were working fine, and progressing as they should, but it was almost as though Marlene wasn't there, and Edgar wasn't there, it was just... two people having sex. Edgar shook his brain and told it to stop thinking so damn hard and instead concentrate on what he was doing, not what it meant.

Still, he couldn't help but think of how weird it was to enjoy something when he wasn't enjoying it at all.

All right, so maybe Horrace and Ed had been right and this was a bad idea. Not that Marlene wasn't enjoying it. She was, oddly enough. Even if it did bring back memories, it was still a good feeling. It was just completely different than any sex she'd ever had. Not that Ed was altogether Gideon's opposite or anything, but sex without any emotional attachment or investment was a whole different ball game. And as much as she was thinking (and despite how many times she'd compared Edgar to Gideon), in a way, it was making her feel better. Sex with someone other than Gideon didn't make her cry. It wasn't terrible.

It was just different.

Edgar sped up a little more, grunting and groaning because it was sex and generally it felt good no matter what the connotations. He bit Marlene's shoulder lightly and then suckled her neck but he couldn't quite bring himself back to her lips because he didn't want to look her in the eyes.

Letting her eyes open to stare up at the ceiling, Marlene wondered idly how long Ed would take. It did feel a little good, just... not good enough to make her come. She smoothed one hand down his back, wondering what he liked. She felt like she was just lying there, watching the ceiling, waiting. Sure, she was meeting him thrust for thrust, but it just seemed like she wasn't doing anything.

At that point Edgar just wanted to come so it would be over and done with. He essentially ran a slide show of the items in his spank bank, closed his eyes tight and thrust harder. A few erratic moves later and mercifully he was finished; he pulled out of her a rolled onto his back, desperate for a getaway and wishing he'd listened to his conscience.

Well, at least he hadn't expected Marlene to fake an orgasm or anything.

"So that was weird, right? It wasn't just me?" Marlene asked, looking over at Ed for the first time since they'd started fucking. "Really weird. No offence or anything."

Edgar nodded, and looked at her, guilt and discomfort etched all over his face. "Weird is one word."

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" she asked, wrinkling her nose at him in a very trademark Marlene way and smiling. "I mean, we're not going to have to avoid each other forever or anything?"

Laughing awkwardly, Edgar said, "No, but. Can we not talk about it?" He sat up and glanced around before peeling off the condom and dumping it into the waste basket beside the bed. "I mean. Just. You know."

"Hey, Ed, I'm fine. Honest," she said, because the poor boy looked positively sick about it. "God, I should never have talked you into it. Look, it wasn't what I expected, but it was okay. I didn't freak out or cry or have breakdown just because it wasn't Gideon. I was fine. I'm fine. There were no hysterics of any sort. You haven't tarnished your nice boy reputation at all, I swear."

Edgar rubbed at his face, peering at her through his fingers. "You'd've been better off hiring a gigolo."

Marlene stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if he was serious. Finally she just snorted and said, "Bugger you, Bones. Do you want to stay?"

"I will if you want me to," Edgar answered, uncertain.

"Fuck off," Marlene laughed, throwing a pillow at him. "You look like you'd rather be anywhere else but here. Thanks, prick." Flopping onto her stomach, Marlene hung off her bed and grabbed a shirt off the floor and pulled it on. It was a huge baggy t-shirt that hung about to her knees when she stood up (only stumbling minutely; her balance was mostly returned, it seemed) and smiled down at Ed. "Get dressed, then."

"Oh, right" Edgar said, suddenly very aware of the fact that he was extremely naked. He climbed off the bed and started collecting and replacing his clothes, and holding his jacket in his hands he stood by the door, looking at her, completely unsure. "You sure you don't want me to stay? I mean I can. I don't mind to, that is, if you want company or whatever." He rubbed at his face again. He had to stop being tottery and polite. "Rubbish this, I sound ridiculous. I'm just going to bypass the utter awkwardness of this, seriously. So, if you want me to stay, as your friend, I'd be happy to."

Marlene leaned forward and ruffled his hair affectionately. "You're too cute. Seriously, I'm fine. Can't you tell I'm fine? Considering it wasn't that long ago I was slumped against Horrace's bar ordering tequila shorts and propositioning him while quite close to the verge of tears... you must be a miracle worker or something. And I'm taking you up on the friends thing, anyway, even if I'm not taking you up on the staying thing. We've already done the whole deal, we might as well be friends, you know?"

Edgar grinned lopsidedly and said, "Right. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, all that rot?"

"I was thinking more like; we just got pretty bloody personal, why back off now, right?" Marlene said, shrugging. "Except, you know, without the totally awkward sex. So I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, definitely," Edgar agreed, reaching for the knob. "Oh, Marlene, by the way. Nice tattoo." He smiled and then left, hurrying out of the building and to his car, and ultimately the security and non-threatening nature of his bedroom.

"Yeah, thanks!" Marlene shouted after him, before realizing it was very late and Miss Across the Hall was a grouchy old bat just looking for excuses to get people in trouble. Marlene quickly closed and locked her door, turning the lights off and heading for bed.

Ed was a good sort of bloke, and even if the sex had sort of been a disaster, she was glad for the way the evening had gone. She hoped she'd feel that way when she full sobered up, too.


	9. May 1998

"Please can I go? Please? Gid, I'll be good, I swear. I'm practically fourteen, anyway. That's practically an adult. _Pleeeeease_?" Fabian begged, overnight bag in hand as he watched Gideon load up his brand new van with food, sleeping bags, and all sorts of things. "Marlene likes me. I'll help cheer her up. Please?"

Gideon rolled his eyes. He'd gotten the van for his birthday from his parents and soon after Marlene's parents had separated, and after much begging and pleading they been allowed to go on their first unsupervised road trip. Gideon wanted to make Marlene feel better about everything that had happened, but Fabian had a tendency to gum up the works, what with his being young and incessant and whiny. "You ask Marlene, not me. It's more her trip than it is mine."

"Kinny? Can I come?" Fabian hollered, jogging around to the other side of the van to make puppy eyes at Marlene. "I'll roll all your joints for you. Gideon taught me how and I'm really good at it. Please?"

"Don't call me that, you little runt," Marlene replied from her spot in the passenger seat. "Are you even allowed to come? What did your parents say?"

"They trust Gid to keep an eye on me. It's only two nights," Fabian pressed. "I'll call you Marlene the whole time and I'll hardly make any noise. Come on. There are great aunts coming in to stay for the weekend. It'll be torture. Don't leave me here."

"Yeah, fine. Go beg your mother for food money," Marlene gave in. She was used to Fabian, and the kid really wasn't that bad. "I'm not buying your food."

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!" Fabian squealed and tore off for the house to do as instructed.

Marlene rolled her eyes and leaned to look back at Gideon. "You taught him how to roll joints?" 

Gideon grinned. "I'm a good big brother. I'm teaching him all the necessary things."

"You know that since he's coming, that means no sex _all_ weekend?" Marlene asked.

"You should've said no, then," Gideon grumbled, shutting the doors. "But good thing we had that quickie in the loo then. Bet that was Da' knocking to get in."

"Yeah," Marlene said, and tried to smile. It reminded her of a few close calls they'd had with her own dad, not that it would be a problem anymore. He'd moved out last week. "It's really weird, you know? I know he's only living across town and I'll still see him all the time, but it's just... weird. He's not dad anymore if he isn't there to call me honey and be annoyingly controlling about _everything_. Hey, do you think he's gay or something? What with the 'honey' thing?"

Gideon snorted. "If your dad is gay then I'm the Easter bunny. Besides, didn't he tell us once that he fought tooth and nail against your mother calling you Marlene? What was it he wanted to call you again?"

"Angelina or something stupid," Marlene said with a wry grin. "Thank _god_ my mother got her way. I'm not a huge fan of Marlene, but it's better than anything with the word 'angel' in it."

"Bet I could've come up with an interesting nickname for it though, Angel Cakes," Gideon teased waggling his eyebrows. "Fuck, mooching money off of Mum shouldn't take this long. OI FABIAN!" Gideon yelled at the house. "HURRY THE FUCK UP!"

Faintly "Gideon Prewett! Watch your mouth!" came from inside of the house. Gideon grinned.

Marlene laughed. "Have I told you lately that I love you, even if you are a total idiot sometimes?"

"Okay. Is fifty pounds enough? I had some allowance saved too," Fabian panted as he ran back out to the van, one hand clenched around a fistful of money and the other holding a grocery bag of additional low-in-sugar snack foods. Holding up the bag, Fabian added, "Oh, and Ma packed these for me. Guess she figured you didn't need to deal with me on a sugar high."

"THANKS MA!" Gideon called at the house again. "LOVE YOU!"

Clara Prewett came to the door leaning against the frame and said, "I love you both. Don't get into any trouble. Take care of them, will you Marlene?"

"Of course. Don't worry about us. I can handle these boys, easy as pie," Marlene assured Clara. It was mostly true, though Gideon looked out for her, too, and even if Fabian was young, he tended to make decent decisions. Marlene didn't think they'd have any problems.

"Love you, bye!" Fabian called, dashing back to the house to kiss his mother on the cheek before running back and climbing into the back of the van. "See you in a few days!"

"Bye Ma!" Gideon waved cheerfully, and then climbed into the drivers side. "Right, seatbelts, all that?"

Fabian buckled up, and then leaned forward, grinning, and asked, "So where are we going? What's the plan?"

"First of all, chill out, small fry," Marlene quipped, pushing Fay back into his seat. "Second of all, Gid?"

Gideon shrugged. "We could go anywhere! London, Liverpool, whatever. Where do you lot want to go?"

"Let's drive east to Brighton and then north to Liverpool. Don't know if we'll get all the way there today, that's about eight or ten hours of driving, I expect, but from there we can pop over to Manchester or Leeds before coming home. And we can stop in all the tiny little towns along the way," Marlene said. She'd done a similar drive once, a year or two ago, when a friend of her mother's had gotten married, and she always thought it would've been much nicer had she not been stuck in the cramped backseat of a town car with all the luggage listening to her parents argue over directions. "If we take a wrong turn, we'll just see where we get to, yeah?"

"Cool," Fabian said excitedly, though he didn't really know anything about any of the places Marlene had mentioned.

"Sounds well enough to me then," Gideon agreed and started the van, smiling as the engine purred. "Can you imagine that Da' argued me to death not to get this baby? How anyone can't love such a fantastic piece of machinery is beyond me."

"It's a giant hippie van, you giant hippie," Marlene teased. "We'll see how she runs on the highway. Have you named her yet?"

I think you should call it Lakisha," Fabian said, trying to keep a straight face. "You know, because it has so much soul. Just look at this shag carpeting. Disco-licious."

Glancing in the rearview mirror, Gideon made a face at his brother. "Who are you, Maurice Gibb? The 70s are over, man. This is a new revolution. And I am _not_ a fucking hippie.”

"Oh come on," Marlene said, poking Gid in the side and then turning her attention to the dashboard. "You kind of are. Hey, did anyone bring any tapes? There's no CD player."

"No CD player?," Fabian gasped dramatically. "Gid, I think the 70s are alive and well in this van, which I now dub Lakisha."

"Don't make me hurt you," Gideon said. "And she has an old soul, little brother. Not platform shoes and obnoxious cleavage."

"Okay, so, no tapes, and only fuzzy radio," Marlene said as she fiddled with the dials. "However shall we pass the time?"

"Lakisha sucks, Gid," Fabian said light-heartedly.

"Bugger you both. You're a couple of sodding whine-bags," Gideon chuffed as they pulled through downtown Salcombe. "And she's not fucking Lakisha, Fay, so shut the fuck up about it."

"No angering the driver, little one!" Marlene snickered. "We'll just buy some crappy mix tape the first time we stop for gas, and until then, we can play a driving game. Driver's choice, Gid."

Looking back at Fabian in the mirror again, Gideon smiled wryly. "Word Association."

"Can I start? I want to start. Pickle!" Fabian said brightly.

"Ugh," Marlene said, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to play kid brother version."

"We could play the exclude Fabian version," Gideon suggested.

"Don't be mean," Fabian protested. "I can play the grown up version. You don't have to dumb it down for me."

"Don't worry, we won't," Marlene said, angling a bright smile in Fay's direction before turning her attention back to Gid. He was so good to her, planning this trip totally to just cheer her up. "Explain the rules of Word Association, the Exclude Fabian Version to me then."

"You and I play it, Fabian does not, and we say things he will not get," Gideon explained cheerfully.

"Sounds great," Marlene said over top of the noises of protest. "I start with... Hangman." She'd played hangman once on Gideon. For a few days, he'd had dozens of little half-hung men with word puzzles underneath them drawn all over his body in purple marker.

Gideon chewed on his lip, thinking, and then said, "Watermelon Scented." After putting up with the hangmen for a few days they'd had a shower together in which Marlene had pretty much doused him in her watermelon body wash.

"This isn't fun for me. I don't like this," Fabian said from the back. "What are you talking about?"

Ignoring Fabian, Marlene snickered and replied, "Gender Bender Day." That same day, she'd put on his cologne, and he'd remained smelling happily like watermelon. They joked that they'd decided to switch genders for the day.

"Red Lace Bra," Gideon countered. She'd dared him to wear one of her bras to school one day over his shirt, stuffed with balloons full of pudding.

"Whose bra? What?" Fabian asked, trying to involve himself in the conversation. "Lace would be itchy, don't you think?"

"Chocolate beard," Marlene snickered. Stubby had popped the pudding balloons with his teeth and eaten as much as he could. Not surprisingly, it had gotten _everywhere_.

"Superglued Alien Glasses," Gideon said, glancing at Marlene with a broad grin. With Leroy's help they'd pinned Stubby down and glued sunglasses to his face. His eyebrows never properly recovered.

"Seriously, guys. This isn't funny anymore!" Fabian said loudly. "Stop ignoring me and just tell me what you're talking about!"

"Toe jam," Marlene laughed and made a gross face. In retaliation for the alien glasses prank, Stubby had reportedly collected his own toe jam for over a week and put it in Gideon and Leroy's sloppy joes one day at lunch. Marlene had been let off the hook, thank goodness.

Gideon gagged a little and screwed up his face. "Oasis," he said. At an Oasis concert they'd met Noah Gallagher and the bastard had practically crushed Marlene's toes through her runners by accident.

Marlene and Gideon had gone to a Placebo and Prodigy show in London in December, accompanied by her father, and there had been a security guard named Phillip who'd offered to take them backstage after accidentally elbowing Marlene in the face trying to break up a fight that had broken out next to her. She'd ended up with a black eye and some good memories. "Autographed socks."

"Autographed knapsack," Gideon said. At the hotel the after the Placebo show they'd met David Bowie in the elevator.

"Exciting elevator rides," Marlene said. The same night they met David Bowie, they snuck out of the hotel room they were sharing with Marlene's dad and went to have sex in the elevator they'd encountered Bowie in. It had been a great trip, needless to say. Marlene and Gideon had fantastic luck when it came to celebrities, even if it meant injuries (generally for Marlene) and ridiculous verbal diarrhea (generally from Gideon, surprisingly enough).

"I know these ones! The socks were autographed by Placebo, and the rucksack by David Bowie! Gideon told me that story," Fabian piped up proudly. "So hah. If the goal is to keep me in the dark, you lose."

"Exciting long bus rides," Gideon said cheekily. They'd gone to London with their class in the fall to see some museum or another, and left the city late at night because a few of their classmates had snuck off to get drunk and it was after 11 at night when they finally found them. Once everyone was asleep on the bus, Marlene and Gideon snuck off to the small, bathroom cubicle at the back and had the quietest (and most awkward, considering the small space) shag of their relationship.

"Um, guys? I identified some. That means you lose. Can't we play a different game now?" Fabian whined.

"Blackberry syrup," Marlene replied, once again completely ignoring Fabian. The class had gotten into Salcombe around four in the morning, and Gid and Marlene had pulled an all-nighter and then gone out to some specialty restaurant for breakfast that had flavoured syrups. They'd taken turns tasting some and then kissing and making the other guess what flavour. After they'd gotten all sticky, they'd decided the blackberry one was the best.

"Mmmm," Gideon said, remembering the taste. "Jammy Dodgers," he added, thinking of last summer when they'd been completely bored, and stole a package of jammy dodgers. They'd spent the entire day walking around town and throwing them randomly at people they knew. Marlene had gotten Stubby right in the eye with one.

"Pirate patch!" Marlene crowed, laughing. Stubby had complained so much, his mother had gotten him an eye patch, even though the silly sod was totally fine.

"Pirate Day!" Gideon exclaimed back. Their group of friends had decided to humour Stubby's whining and eye patch, and had dressed up like pirates and only spoke in pirate talk for an entire day.

"Seriously! You guys are being assholes!" Fabian shouted, losing patience.

"Petey the Parrot," Marlene replied. It was a new phrase they'd coined. Now anytime anyone was complaining overly much in their little group of friends, someone would politely ask if Petey the Parrot had returned, in reference to Pirate Day and Stubby's incessant, ridiculous whining.

Gideon let out a bark of laughter and said, "Walking the Plank." That'd been the excuse they'd given for where they were going when they left school. Not that their friends didn't know they were going off to shag or anything. They shagged an awful lot as a rule.

"If you guys are going to be in Gid and Kinny land this whole trip, I want to go home," Fabian informed them sharply.

"Oh, chill out, Fabian," Marlene said, finally turning to look at the pouting kid in the backseat. "We're not even a half an hour in."

Yeah, little brother. We could keep this going for hours, you know," Gideon said. "But I suppose we ought to take a little mercy."

"If you didn't want me here, you should've just said so," Fabian said, continuing to sulk even now that they weren't ignoring him anymore.

"No, no. We do, honest," Marlene assured him, feeling a little bad now. "You're Fabian. We love you. Cheer up."

"Yeah, we'll even play whatever car game you like," Gideon offered.

"How about that alphabet one? Where you have to make up a name, location, job, and whatever other random details of a person all starting with the same letter?" Fabian suggested. He didn't really know many car games, and that was the first one that had popped to mind. He figured he ought to suggest something now that they were letting him choose. Really, all he wanted was to be included.

"Albert Affleburger from Alaska is an antelope hunter with three aardvarks as pets and an addiction to acid," Marlene said immediately. "Who wants B?"


	10. Summer 1998

It was a lovely day, and Edelynne and Agatha sat on the front porch talking rather mechanically of the weather and the newest gossip while waving at neighbours and passers-by. Narcissa, Sirius, and James (whom Edelynne adored and Agatha seemed to despise) played together a few feet away. Agatha insisted on getting together every so often so their children could play and they could be seen having pleasant family relations, though at the very least she was cordial for the sake of appearances. Edie was glad it gave Narcissa the opportunity to play with Sirius, but she didn't enjoy the visits herself. Cygnus' sister was a nasty old bat. It always amazed Edie that Sirius managed to have any fun at all. (It was probably thanks largely to the Potters' influence.)

Edie smiled, tuning Agatha out in favour of watching her little Narcissa boss the boys around.

"Leave your hat alone!" young Narcissa snapped as she poured Sirius some imaginary tea. "It's pretty, and you need all the help you can get, ugly boy."

"This is stupid!" Sirius whined with a pout. "Boys don't play tea party. Boys throw mud."

"I'm not a boy, and if you ever throw mud at me, I'll cook your fingers into biscuits and serve them to you next time we play tea party," Narcissa said sweetly, smiling up at her cousin. "I bet you don't even know which order you're supposed to use your cutlery in at fancy dinners, do you? Stupid boys."

"Mate, she's scary for a girl," James whispered. "But you know, I bet she'd just cry if we threw mud at her."

"No, she'd do what she says," Sirius said, screwing up his face. "Tea party is sodding stupid."

“That's because you aren't playing it right," Narcissa said, huffing and pulling off her own hat in frustration. "You'd both make terrible girls. You're not entertaining at _all_. You probably don't even know how to braid hair. I hate boys. I don't know why mother brings me over here. You're no fun at all."

"We're boys," Sirius said practically. "We don't make good girls."

"Suggest other activities now, please," Narcissa instructed them, sitting up straight and tucking her hair behind her ears. "I'm bored of this."

"We could play ninjas!" Sirius suggested excitedly with a big grin.

Narcissa curled her lip at him, seeming much older than her 10 years. "No."

"You're probably not going to like anything we suggest, and since you're probably scared to try new things, we might as well stick to this stupid tea party," James said with an over-dramatic sigh.

"I'm not _scared_ ," Narcissa replied, obviously insulted by the accusation. "Playing ninjas just sounds stupid.”

"Does not!" Sirius said back, frowning. "Ninjas are cooler than sodding tea parties and sodding tea, and sodding brimmed hats."

"Yet you're still wearing yours, aren't you?" Narcissa sneered. "I think you like it, girly boy. And we're _not_ playing ninjas."

"Well, maybe you're not, but I can already _feel_ the ninja in me getting ready to play," James said, grinning at Sirius. He got to his feet, flung away his hat, and struck a pose. "Come, and fight if you dare!" he hollered, moving his mouth much more than necessary, pretending to be speaking the English dubbed over the Japanese, like in the crappy kung fu movies he and Sirius sometimes watched.

Sirius grinned back, hopped up and tossed his own sodding brimmed hat onto the grass, striking his own pose. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he said in a high-pitched voice, and imitating James' subtitle speech said, "Ha ha ha, silly man, you can not defeat the great Sirius Black! I am the deadliest ninja in the world!"

James waved his arms and legs around, spun in a circle, and then launched himself at Sirius, all the while making the sort of weird, high-pitched noises he thought a ninja might make.

"Stop it! No fighting!" Narcissa shouted, getting up from the table and watching them with her hands on her hips. "Fighting is not allowed! Sirius!"

Sirius rolled backward away from James and over to Narcissa, picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. "I will save the Japanese princess!" he said in the same imitation of badly dubbed subtitles. "Ha ha ha! I have foiled your plan!"

"Sirius! Put me down this instant!" Narcissa called, trying her hardest not to laugh as he spun her in a circle and she had to squeeze her eyes shut and grab a hold of his shirt. "Put me down, put me down, put me down!"

"You'll never get out alive, for I am the martial arts master of the universe!" James hollered in response, still using the tacky mock-subtitles mode of speech. He heard Narcissa squeal as Sirius spun faster, and James laughed and began poking Sirius in the side, screeching "Hiiiiya!" with every movement of his hand.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Sirius yelled again, laughing himself. He stopped spinning and ran the length of the yard still carrying Narcissa and with James chasing him and yelling "Hiiiiya!" at every other interval. "It is futile, fool!" Sirius called to James, panting a bit. "A ha ha ha ha! You will never catch me!"

"Sirius!" Narcissa shrieked, unable to conceal her laughter anymore. "You're both total prats. I'm not a Japanese princess. I'm blonde, you great idiots. Put me _down_!"

"She is speaking in tongues. I don't not understand that language. I only understand Japanese which has been dubbed to English for the pleasure of our viewing audience," James informed her, words slightly mangled by the excessive movements of his mouth. He turned to wave at Sirius and Narcisssa's mums (Agatha looked revolted at their fun and games, while Edelynne just looked amused) and then promptly turned back and mussed Narcissa's hair.

"Potter!" Narcissa gasped, hands swinging wildly in James' direction. She didn't manage to land a blow, however, and propped herself up as best she could to glare up at James. "This means war! Sirius, put me down. Potter is dead."

"Okay, Princess," Sirius said, setting her down and continuing with the subtitle speak. "But only because you pledge to kill my mortal enemy and save me the trouble."

Narcissa stood still and looked between the two boys for a moment, smoothing the wrinkles out of her clothes and pushing her messy hair behind her ears. After a moment, she sighed and apparently gave up her inhibitions before diving for James, attempting to push him over.

James laughed and caught Narcissa's weight, stepping back a bit to compensate before looping an arm around her and scooping her right back up off her feet again. She really stood no chance in the rough housing department.

She surprised him, though, when she pinched him hard and used his momentary distraction to wiggle out of his grip.

"I may not be as strong, but I'm most certainly smarter than you," she said proudly.

"Ow," said James, rubbing his arm where she'd left fingernail indentations.

"Ahaha, she's got you there Jamie-boy," Sirius grinned, impressed by his cousin's tactics. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

"All I've got to say is that if you can dish it out, you'd better be able to take it," James said, and then darted towards Narcissa.

Narcissa shrieked and took off running, dodging around the tea table and Sirius in an attempt to lose James. On her second pass by Sirius with James still hot on her heels, she panted, "Sirius, help!"

Sirius grinned madly, caught Narcissa at the waist and pulled her down to the grass. With James’ help, the two of them started tickling her.

"Get off! Get--oh _God_ \--stop it!" she managed between laughing. "I'll get grass stains! Stop!"

Cackling madly Sirius continued tickling and said, "Swear there'll be no more tea parties!"

"Yes, okay!" Narcissa gasped, trying ineffectually to push their hands away. "I'm too old for tea parties a-anyway, get off!"

James backed off at this, grinning. "You look like you've just had more fun than you've ever had in your entire life. I think you owe us a thank you, and the ninjas an apology."

"Yes. Say you're sorry to the ninjas or they'll unleash Godzilla on you and he is far less forgiving and far more rude than us tickling sort of blokes," Sirius added, face red, a big smiled stretched across it.

"I will _not_ apologize to the ninjas. How daft _are_ you?" Narcissa said, rolling her eyes. When both James and Sirius began tickling her again with renewed vigor, Narcissa squealed and amended, "All right, all right. I hereby apologize to the inexistent, imaginary ninjas in your crazy little brains, now let me up."

"See Cissa, life isn't all about sodding brimmed hats! Ninjas can be fun!" Sirius said gleefully. "Although the hat was rather fetching on me, I must say."

"Perhaps," Narcissa said, getting up and brushing herself off, smiling widely for a moment before attempting a stern expression. "But if you tell anyone, it's your fingers baked into biscuits, as promised. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah," James said dismissively.

"Bah, we know you like us anyhow," Sirius said. "And at any rate, we'd make horrid tasting biscuits."


End file.
